Hi SaoirseJS,
I’m so sorry you are and were going through this.
I have yet to read through this but I wanted to reach out and comment, as I know it’ll take me some time and when I post here I keep coming back to check in – and I want you to know you are not alone.
That “I fucked up” is all too familiar, it is so terrifying. You have been strong to stood by him for so long, and please remember that when they are high they can not see the nightmare you are going through.
It pains me to read you have split up, I can’t imagine how hard that has been on you – but you know what is best for you – you know your limits, and I’m proud of you for taking the steps towards your own happiness! that is what is important.
My partner and I are together, and every time I read here about failed relationship I am terrified. But I am hopefull, and I have faith in him and his actions to stop our own rollercoaster.
Thank you for sharing your story, be strong and have faith in yourself that you deserve a life without these rollercoasters, I will read through this and comment again.