I know this is from a long while ago Poppy, but I just wanted to say that this story relates to me the most. The coke, the hiding the coke, the coke behaviour when he becomes overly horny and knowing if you aren’t with him means he will turn to porn, cam girls, any other female that will give him time of day in the early hours. He would blame me for not being there, and it would kill me knowing if I couldn’t be out with him to oversee the night… I knew every time he would resort to trying to message women on any platform he could. Asking who’s about at 4AM.
the emotional turmoil these people cause is crazy. It makes you feel crazy. It has had me to the point of feeling seriously suicidal. Even times I was there, if I had fallen asleep or was in a different room, he would do it whilst on coke. Everytime, I asked why. Why the other women. He could never answer.
what made it worse is that the days he was not on coke, he would be paranoid and accusing me of the same things he was doing. I have no social media accounts, and my phone has always been available for him to check. I wouldn’t dream of cheating on this man, even in his very worst stages I would not cheat on him. When he’s sober, mostly it would be great, and despite being positive towards him about laying off the drugs, being “faithful”, I knew in my heart it wouldn’t end. I hate hate HATE what this drug does to people. But seeing the man I love do the most hurtful things towards me, making my life a misery, has chipped and chipped away to the point I am just a shell of who I was. I’ll save the boring parts as I have already wrote my own story on my own thread, just to put my feelings into writing. If you are all he has, then yes maybe try get him the help. It will be hard, but he needs someone.
Most of the time though, coke addicts have people around them who encourage the behaviour. Friends, family. Family often subconsciously enable their children/relatives – whether they are fully aware or not. If he has at least someone else in his life, then for your own sanity, leave. Love him from afar.