Hi AnonJ! Thanks for getting back to me. Even just knowing someone is there hearing me means a lot. I get that mine is a lengthy read, so I appreciate you even contemplating reading it.
Honestly, leaving has been the hardest thing I’ve done. I am so desperate to have the man I love back, but I’m not sure if he’s even still there anymore. I have read your posts, and it gave me some comfort to know that despite you “accusing” your partner (of course you would! He has done it before!) – it turned out he in fact had not done coke again. Please don’t feel bad for assuming the worst in him, just be happy that he’s taking the right steps in not doing it. I know if it was me in your shoes, my suspicions would turn out correct with my former partner. There’s never been time he’s been falsely accused. It sounds like your partner is very serious about ditching it. He might relapse again, but the fact he’s gone this time without it, means he’s at least in the right frame of mind. I think the emotional trauma we all go, and continue to go, through is really sad. The only comfort is knowing there’s other people in the same shoes. I want more than anything for my partner to be brave like yours and begin to refuse coke. I just don’t think it’s going to happen with mine unfortunately. His wake up call should have been our baby, but countless times since our son has been here, he’s still prioritised the drugs. I know it’s an illness, boy, I’ve been in the same shoes as they myself a few years back! But I also know in myself, I’d quit for love. I know it’s not as black and white as that for everyone, but I wish it was. 🙁 sending hugs xx