Hi Saoirse,
What a time you’ve had of it & what an amazing, strong woman you are to have gotten through all of this while pregnant & then raising your son. Please don’t feel embarrassed – and don’t ever feel that you aren’t enough. This is his problem and you did nothing to cause it.
My partner is also an addict (also cocaine – he was 3 years sober with me and relapsed from last year) and currently going through recovery. He’s not living here and we are spending less time together as his focus has to be on recovery – this is his fight, not mine. He needs to be around his sponsor and his allies in CA, and I need to focus on me and healing from this.
Your partner’s mother’s attitude is simply to protect her boy, though I am a bit disgusted she doesn’t have the same feelings towards her grandson, who I would have thought deserves a stable family home as well! But this might make it easier for you to have a clean break, start afresh with your son and rely on nobody. I hope his family are decent enough to help you when it comes to the supervised contact arrangements. Don’t be bullied into anything you and your son are uncomfortable with, you’ve been through enough.
You can do this, and I know it’s hard but try to resist the urge to allow contact, as it’s so easy to end up being manipulated and guilted into giving them chance after chance. He should know by now he has a problem, and if he doesn’t, you can’t make him see this. He needs to get himself into recovery, start going to meetings, and sort himself out. What you need is calm, to focus on you and your boy, and to heal from all the hurt you’ve had to deal with. Keep your friends and family close for any support you need, do the things you love, and try to get your self back over time. Take care x