Hey again!
thanks for the lovely words as always. I know how you feel – you wish you never gave them that last chance to cause pain! I’m glad yours has actually started the road to recovery – like you said, it’s sad they really have to lose everything before they realise! Reading some other peoples stories who ended up with a crack addiction, and losing everything AND still using scares me. I imagine it pains you so much knowing that he couldn’t see the light of day until he lost it all. I’ll be honest, I’m not sure if mine will see the light even now he’s lost his family unit etc. he’s had so many (what seemed like) rock bottom moments, manages to wrangle his way out of those, then continue to the cycle.
I know you’re probably a little older than me, so you can ignore my advice if you wish, but please please please if I only get one message to you, please don’t have a baby with that man, not unless he’s actually recovered (but who knows how long that will take! You deserve to be happy!). My partner always said that having a baby would make him better, give him reason to stop the drugs etc etc, massive conversations about how it would give him a purpose. Obviously, you know by my story that this wasn’t true. Your partner does seem morally a lot better than mine (i.e, no women), so I can see why you might toy with the idea of the family. However, from my own experience, even though I think my partner meant what he said, he didn’t follow through. I don’t want you to go through the same thing again of raising another child on your own – although by the sounds of it you did an amazing job with your daughter!
who knows what will happen, his mum sent an apology today, not for the accusations but for raising her voice. I haven’t replied yet, feel too sad to do so. I feel like I’m grieving a family unit that I once had, it’s as though all these people have been taken from me, because of cocaine. Whilst I do feel sad, I feel better about my decision to walk away today. I do notice I keep looking at the clock, wondering what my partner is doing though….
speak soon x