Hi bubbles,
I’m so sorry to hear about the hell u are going through, u really are in the thick of it, the overdose sounds so scary and tonight sounds like a nightmare that sadly u are probably too used to. He doesn’t talk about drugs as if they are a saviour exactly he will act as though they are a burden, change number avoid friends and family then make plans to go to a meeting, promise a specific day and then not go as I think he thinks he’s no longer an addict in his few days clean lol, then start’s craving but doesn’t open up so will try to sleep then when that doesn’t work makes a stupid excuse to go and do something with one of his friends or family leaves the house and draws money straight out. His brothers are also addicts and when he’s gone 2 weeks off drugs twice since the 6 weeks he did he’s relapsed both times with his brother after trying so hard. His brother doesn’t care.
But he will at times say it Helps him to feel better but from what I can see he appears completely depressed when he’s on one, a shell of himself, not chatty or outgoing more dissociated at times Or he may normalise it saying I’m having a few beers after a hard days work, his perspective constantly shifts. he often asks me to come places with him in car so that he’s not tempted to use after so tries damage control or asks me to block his card while he’s out then calls me and begs for me to unblock, it’s honestly so inconsistent.
His mum also used to go missing on drugs for days when he was a child so this is all very engrained.
It’s really scary as he drives about of his face and has crashed before and had car impounded another time , loads of tickets and does crime sometimes while he’s out with certain friends, robbing cannabis grows.
I really hope your partner gets the right help for both of ur sakes. Please update on diagnosis if u don’t mind.
And yes ur right about how much should we take!!
Do u ever get scared u will be replaced easily if you end it? I’ve done a few times but not for long enough and each time he begs me back and really upset but I’m always still scared to do it in a way. It’s silly really.
Or he will send a message before and beg me not to leave him
And how he wants to make me happy etc.
I feel like I have no life as I’m too drained to go out with my friends and when he’s sober me leaving house is a bit of a trigger for him to get on one.
It’s all madness!!!!!!