I totally know what you’re going through M, mine would disappear for days too but then have weeks and sometimes months in between where things were supposedly good but looking back I was constantly anxious waiting and watching for the next time – which always happened at the worst possible time, just before holidays, just after holiday, my birthdays, same as you he would go for a ‘sensible’ drink and swear blind he’d be home at a certain time then just vanish, one time like this he ended up writing my car off and getting arrested, I had to hunt for my car the next day as all my stuff including baby seat was inside but couldn’t get in as police had my keys ????but still gave him another chance and a few more after that! But then things seemed great, he had everything he could ever have wanted in life and we were getting on great, I let my guard down and then when I wasn’t expecting it he got back into it in a big way right under my nose and I never noticed a thing for 3-4 weeks, he was doing up to 4 grams a day – I’m not naive about it and can’t believe I didn’t see it straight away. He denied it to my face many times. After that I knew that I just can’t put up with it any more as he will never change and I can never trust him, unless he is in recovery for maybe a year and showing commitment to it I won’t have him back. He’s only been to 2 meetings since and I took him to both otherwise he couldn’t be bothered which says everything I think.
It’s a horrible roller coaster and they drag you down with them if you let them into their life of drugs, general lack of morals, and family members who think it’s perfectly normal to take drugs together and in my experience actively encourage the ongoing addiction.
Do you think he will ever stop given his family history and everyone around him? Or is this just normal for him? My ex wanted to change and that’s why he wanted to be with me I think as he saw that as a chance to get out of that life, but at the same time a bit like yours he didn’t want to fully let it go. I’ve spent nearly all my energy over the last 6 years helping him, looking after him, taking him to appointments, etc etc to the point I’ve ended up making myself ill – as much as you want to help sometimes you have to realise who’s helping you? He’s not your responsibility as hard as that is – many people have told me that and I’ve ignored it as I felt like I was the only one who could help… in a way I hope I don’t hear from him as I’m not sure I can stick to it if he gets in touch and wants help again, it’s so hard!
also same re the extra PIP money, mine is exactly the same and maybe that will be the motivation yours needs to get diagnosed. Have to say now he is not taking the meds and is spending his PIP on drugs. He has missed his appointments with the mental health service so I think they might stop seeing him. Going from bad to worse really.
sorry feel like that was a lot of negativity! I think I need more caffeine to get through this bank holiday lol. Stay strong and look after yourself and hope all you ladies are doing good today.
xx