<p style=”text-align: right;”>He called at 2pm and had been at his friends squat with 2 crack smokers ( so actually a crack house) was saying how damaged he is and he can’t keep putting me through this. this time sounded different like he’s letting me go kind of vibe for my own sake which probably is true but it hurts. Then when I started to say I don’t want him like this anyway after all the hurt he said he can’t get better without me but sounded as though he doesn’t really believe he can get better at this point but said he wants a good clean life, it’s all really contradictory, guess he feels confused.</p>
He then started playing the stupid card saying he doesn’t know where to get help, he knows exactly where. Obviously his issues are complex but he knows what steps need to be taken to try, He Was adamant he’s not cheated and asked why I would keep thinking that but just using drugs as an escape from his mind. He said he knew he’d messed up and didn’t wanna face it. More like he didn’t want me killing his buzz and irritating him! But if he called ajd was polite and transparent I can work with that. The main thing I ask is honesty and respect but addiction doesn’t offer that,
I completely flipped out hurling abuse and wish i hadn’t and had stayed calm and cool honestly I felt so insanely angry. I sent a load of angry messages and told him I want to be left alone but deep down I want him to show up with some flowers and let me throw them at him and him not give up, pathetic I know lol but instead he’s at his brothers eating a kebab and said he hasn’t turned up as I will shout. I think I will make myself uncontactable for tonight and tomorrow as I feel guilty for going so mad but I’ve just had enough. I can’t think much further than that. All his stuff is here and we have the parking tickets to sort.
I will try to rest and get in to work tomorrow although I just want to get signed off xxxx
@fayzey it’s mad how u get some calm just knowing he’s checked emails means he’s alive. I’m the same with when he withdraws money from cash mashine as I’ve got the app on my phone. I’m relieved but then I think ur alive and not contacting me, so mixed emotions lol and ur comment about the drug worker saying about normal made me chuckle, it’s ironic.
@bubbles thanks for ur kind words.
u mentioned about the brain not developing properly and childlike displays.DBT is a type of therapy that helps distorted thinking patterns and behaviours. It’s the top treatment for personality disorders and traits and also great for substance misuse. Helps with improving empathy, acting out, black and white thinking, impulses etc Unfortunately not available on NHS and is pricey, it’s quite an intense commitment but good success rates and many who engaged properly no longer meet criteria for personality disorder which is pretty amazing but they have to be completely committed and as u can imagine with those issues many people will drop out. Maybe read up on it Fsyzey too if u haven’t already xx
@navy, everyone’s body’s are different, some are left with life long nose problems and others heal in a matter of weeks/months. Mine healed quickly but I was young and hadn’t used for the years upon years our guys have.
Xxxxxx