I came back here to look for stories from your point of view. It’s 3am and I am wide awake worried sick about my partner, who I don’t live with.
He told me several weeks ago how bad his addiction was and that he was going to stop. We have been on and off for several years and got back together about 10 months ago. I thought he had stopped and to be told his addiction was worse than ever a few weeks ago, hit me hard. I couldn’t believe how stupid and naive I had been the whole time.
He said he hasn’t touched the stuff for weeks. But I know he has, he lies to my face. He did the same tonight which has made me feel like shit. I’ve been crying all night. I feel worthless, stupid, and like a fool.
I try to understand from his point of view but it’s killing me inside. I know he is addicted and cannot help himself. I try to be supportive but how can I when he is in denial. I doubt everything he says to me because he lies so much. He goes AWOL most evenings.. I suspect there are other women.
I wish I could leave him but I can’t. I love him but loving him is killing me. I’m not the same women.. most days I hate myself for being so weak. I know I deserve better. I feel so worthless and wonder why I think this relationship is the best I think I can get or deserve. You can’t help who you love and the heart wants what it wants… my brain tells me to leave and never look back.
I just wish I was enough and he could stop.. but deep down I know he won’t/can’t.. I’m scared the longer I stay with him the more damaged I will be. People have already started to notice the difference and I can’t keep pretending I am ok and happy when deep down I am so miserable and feel so stupid and worthless.
THINICE22 pls pls do not put your partner through the same things I am going through.. pls get help, reach out, talk to people. You never know your partner may just stick by you and support you! But you have to want to change.. I pray to god every night my partner would be able to do the same xx