Hi Coco,
Sorry you’re going through this.
This isn’t your problem to fix, it’s his. Don’t take that responsibility as you won’t be able to make him change, much as you might want to try. For him to recover he needs to want it for himself. From what you’ve said, the comments of “this is why I couldn’t tell you as you know how you get”, it doesn’t sound like he’s understanding the level of his problem or ready for recovery yet. He’s the father of your kids but spending all that money every month on himself, but makes out you’re a nag for having a problem with it? He has a LOT of work to do.
This is up to him and your level of involvement is as much as YOU want it to be – think of your own mental health and happiness, not his. If you want space, you take that. And he’s in the wrong, he needs to sort himself, so he should give you that. He should be at CA meetings every day, to show you he wants to fight this. But you focus on you as you’ll drive yourself insane trying to fight his battle for him.
Look after yourself x