I can really relate to what you say Nicole. The not wanting to give up as you’re scared he’ll actually sort himself out and another woman will reap the rewards. I know you’ve said he did rehab, but has he engaged with CA in the process? I’m asking as while my partner did rehab and got clean 5 years ago, he did it without CA. He then relapsed last year and now that he is fully engaged with CA, working the steps and has a sponsor etc, he tells me that he might have gotten physically clean before, but without properly addressing his addiction in CA, making those bonds with other addicts and doing the steps, he hadn’t actually did what he needed for lifelong recovery. Though honestly I’m not even sure if that’s possible at this point.
He should be making time for you and the kids and making sure you know you’re just as important, but it’s completely up to you as to whether this something you can accept after all you’ve been through. Wishing you all the best x