It’s so hard. Especially when they’re doing well but the hurt you’ve been through is so much you can’t picture it ever getting back to how it was. I split up with him for a full year when he ruined things five years ago (it wasn’t just the addiction but I also found out while we were together he had given a lift to his ex one night, and I found messages he’d sent to her that night clearly coked up asking her to let him come in for a bit – she refused, so there was a cheating element), I was in bits and had a bit of a party year then put myself back together again. And when we started speaking again it took me a long time to even see him like that, I had to fight that barrier. And we’re back to him having lied for a year, we bought a house that I can’t afford alone, and I’m back to being that paranoid wreck. When is enough enough? I just don’t know anymore.
I hope your partner realises that while he’s doing what he should, getting himself better etc, that it takes more than that to heal the trauma you’ve been through and to earn that trust again. It takes a long time and it’s so difficult.
Thanks for listening to me overshare! It does help to vent x