Hi Soph, as the others have said please don’t think about what could have been, it doesn’t matter. When you are ready you will be codeine free.
It’s so damn hard, codeine lures you in, it’s like a faithful friend that you can turn to.
Could you talk to your GP about stopping, to maybe get some support in place? I understand this may not be an option as not everyone feels comfortable telling their Doctor. If not please confide in your partner, I’m sure he will be relieved to know and will help. As Warby said you could try tapering to make it a bit easier.
I understand about life being too hard, I too have struggled and am on antidepressants, but please be kind to yourself. There is no reason whatsoever to feel shame, if you do decided to stop we will all be here for you.
Sending hugs ♥️