Oh M I am so sorry you’re dealing with this. I know it’s hard but definitely keep some distance between the two of you. It’s not fair at all you’re dealing with abuse like that, and addict or not, what he’s doing is controlling abuse and you don’t deserve to put up with it.
I have a 16 year old and like you I sometimes vent to her about what’s happening and then feel guilty that I shouldn’t worry her with things like this. But don’t feel selfish. You’re in a horrendous situation and if you don’t speak to those you love and trust, you’ll crack up!
I’ve struggled the last while with the idea that I can’t picture myself getting over this again and moving on with our lives together. But maybe the one day at a time rule applies to us too. No point stressing about the future and just try to make it through each day. I don’t stress about him recovering anymore, that’s his job, it’s not mine. Taking that pressure away helped me a little. I see him for walks and dinners and we message but that’s the limit for now. He’s doing well but I need that distance for my own sake and I won’t apologise for being selfish after what he’s done.
Your husband sounds like he’s got a good bit to go with recovery but please know this is not your fight, it’s his. There’s help out there for him, he has these choices. You deserve peace. It hurts so much to walk away but sometimes they leave us no choice. And it doesn’t mean it’s the end, just sometimes it’s healthier for him to focus on his fight alone and you might want to repair yourself alone.
I hope things get better for you x