I have that same feeling of “what’s next?!”. I think it’s because you have all this hope it’ll be okay and then you suffer downfall after downfall so you end up with this impending sense of doom!! Even though he’s doing well now, it can turn just like that and it just feels like the ground is waiting to open up again.
Go easy on yourself and don’t be giving yourself a hard time for struggling – this is hard!! I really hope time is a healer, for both of us, with or without them x