Hi there,
My heart goes out to you. My late husband and the father of my son was an alcoholic.
My advice is this; I understand how devasting this is to live with and how it’s destroying your life. You are an honourable individual who is training to be a Nurse. You cannot cure your Mother, she has chosen to destroy herself without any regard for you and instead of her looking out for you, you have the burden of constantly worrying about her well being and the dangerous and vulnerable situations, that due to her drinking she is putting herself in.
Written, it never sounds as bad as it actually is, but I lived it, so I know. You mention the wetting herself, the unspeakable. But this is typical behaviour of an alcoholic. She is nasty and aggressive to you when drunk and I can imagine seldom remorseful.
As soon as you are able, leave and do not live with your Mother, she is the one who should be obligated to look out for / look after you! Not the other way around. Go forward with your life as far away as possible from her. She is a millstone around your neck and you are a good person, trying to do good in the world. Goodness knows your job is challenging enough, without the daily stress of worrying about her. Lead your own life, detach from her. The alcoholic will cling on to people and disguise this as love. They only love the bottle. Do not let her do this to you. You must naturally be a compassionate person, but give your compassion to others, not an addict that can’t be helped. Live your life, enjoy your life. I wish you all the luck and love in the world. xxxx