Hi Bees,
This isn’t your fault. You aren’t causing it and at the same time you can’t stop it either. All of that is up to him.
I wish I could tell you it gets better but it won’t. I can tell you it will get worse from what you’ve said – if he’s doing it more and more, not getting help, and it’s now affecting your finances and lives. It will get worse and you need to protect yourself or you will be left with nothing (not just money, but your sanity and wellbeing will go too) as he continues down this path.
There IS help available. Look up CA online, there’s lists of the Cocaine Anonymous meetings which are happening every single day. He could and should be there EVERY day.
Talk to him about the meetings. A lot of people go for a goal of 90 meetings in 90 days. Is he willing to try this? If he isn’t, you need to think about whether you want to be there for him to destroy both of your lives.
You didn’t cause this and you can’t fix it. He needs to do that. The most important thing for you is to realise that you need to look after yourself and try to stop any more damage being done. If he’s left to continue doing what he likes that’s what he’s going to keep doing. It took my partner losing his job, and me kicking him out after a whole year of hell, standing by him while he lied and told me he had it under control, before he started properly getting help, going to meetings everyday, engaging fully in the recovery process. If nothing changes, nothing changes.
Best of luck but please put yourself first and do what’s best for you x