James.. thank you so much for your reply. I am really really trying to change my way of thinking. I am so full of anger and hate towards him, life and myself. I feel cheated, let down and bitter. I feel all those things because of the way someone treated me.. but I hate myself more for allowing it.
I knew at times I was being manipulated and lied too.. but I was so weak and pathetic that I just took it. He would wear me down.. I was tired and exhausted. he would speak to me like shit and inside I would be raging but I never spoke up. Even now I am too scared to let him know how his action have effected me.
I find myself crying because I am so ashamed of letting someone treat me this way. I have daughters and I found out they’d been treated this way I’d kill the person.. but yet when it came down to me I just stood there like a fool and took it every time.
I have no one outside this group I can turn to because I am so ashamed of myself. I never told anyone why we split up and I get comments like how could I have let go of such a top bloke.. and I still sit there like an idiot and say nothing!
What is wrong with me!!