Hi Tattoogirl,
First of all, I’m sorry you’re going through this. Secondly, you need to know that this is not your problem, and that no matter what you do, you cannot help or force your boyfriend into recovering from addiction. You will drive yourself insane trying to understand why he does what he does, and it won’t ever make any sense. It doesn’t matter how supportive and wonderful you are to him – as an addict he will continue to take you for granted, do what he likes, and ruin his own life (and possibly yours as well) until he decides in himself he needs to recover. That could be years down the line, or decades. You have no control over it.
Please, reconnect with your friends. Take your life back. This will get worse. You need support. Don’t alienate yourself, and share your problems with someone you trust. It might take until he’s lost EVERYTHING (that could be his job, his home, his family/friends, you) before he even realises he needs to turn things around. Even then, he might never realise. You have the option of deciding if you want to be around for him to potentially take you down with him.
As the partner of an addict, I wouldn’t wish this pain on anyone. I wouldn’t wish the hurt, the feeling of having been lied to, humiliated, and generally disrespected, on anyone. You sacrifice so much of yourself for this person, with no guarantee it will be worth it in the end. Is that what you want from your life?
My partner is the love of my life and my soulmate. His addiction has ruined us, and I don’t know if we’ll make it. That’s him being nothing but perfect (addiction aside), giving me a life I never thought I’d have at one point. You say your boyfriend isn’t very nice to you. With that alone, I’d be running a mile if I were you. Don’t hang on to someone who treats you like rubbish AND has a devastating addiction going on. See this as a lucky escape from a life of misery.
Good luck x