Hi Tatoogirl
One thing I thought, and this hopefully will resonate with you. You have done all you can to help him and none of this, is your fault. None of it.
When we fall for someone we fall, and we rarely realise until much later the person we love is actually abusing us by their behaviour.
When that abuser is a partner or spouse, even if we have children with them, we have a choice however hard that is, to separate from them both for their and our own good. Indeed if there is no listening or engagement to stop on their behalf, we owe it to ourselves to choose life. Living the way you are and being controlled by their actions, is abuse and it rarely gets better unless THEY have the desire to change.
I lived with an alcoholic, drug taking spouse for 8 years, 7 years of which I tried because we had 2 children together, I loved him, and I felt this was my own fault for taking up with him. In the end I had to get away before one of us died.
He stopped me from taking my children with me and I had many years of hell all be it supported by a new kind and loving husband after the first two years. I fought to get my children but he lied, abused the systems and poisoned the children’s minds saying I’d left them…
After 17 years he died. Was there relief? No. I had to deal with the emotional mess of my sons and rebuild some sort of relationship. Then my youngest son went off the rails and became an alcoholic and drug user. I’ve developed a serious long term incurable illness because of the stress. I’ve lost most of my family because I wouldn’t give up on my son. He rings me all through the day and night desperate for this and that, not caring if I live or die because the alcohol and drugs have made him stone cold selfish. I love my son, and myself and my husband are being ruined financially, drained emotionally, and it’s actually putting me on the verge of hospital with a major heart problem. This despite the fact my son was actually trying to get out of this situation and needs help but there’s nothing in our area ( another issue).
So what I’m saying to you, is get out while you can. Keep any children safe. Because this for me is a living hell and I’ll probably be dead before long. When it’s a partner you can leave. When it’s your child you are tied by an umbilical chord that is so much harder to severe.
All you did was fall in love with the wrong person. You deserve a better life. Walk away before it is too late. I’ve had 23 years of this and I’m at breaking point. Please if my story can help you walk away, then my life has some purpose left.
Good luck????