Hi Kulstar,
well done on your continued recovery.
how did you get to the point of seeing everything truly clearly like what you had become and how it was affecting loved ones?
Do you feel your empathy had been shut off and were there times you acted as if you didn’t care or told her you didn’t care about what she had to say when your wife was clearly distressed?
my partner has sent a big apology message yesterday saying he’s so ashamed at how he’s treated me and that he’s not surprised I don’t wanna go near him etc but I don’t even know if I should believe it or not as he had been so cold and callous earlier in the day after being awake for 2 days on coke, ket and alcohol.
I was sobbing my heart out saying I’m breaking down and that I felt like dying (I was seriously sleep deprived) and he kept repeating tell someone who cares, his attitude came after I refused to let him hug me as I’ve been pushing him away the last few weeks because I’m so let down and hurt. He explained after that he treated me that way because he feels so worthless because I won’t go near him physically and then said he understands why I don’t want to.
every time I let my barrier down I get disappointed
He’s currently not at home. He keeps saying he can’t get better if he’s not home but we’ve been here so many times and he comes back and slips again.
he’s due to start meetings again and is up for trying smart recovery ones this time as a start. Has a new job to start Monday but I’m not ready to have him back full time. The only problem is that the places he’s staying are all big triggers. I’m not sure what to do in that respect either.
sorry for the long ramble