hi Rachy,
well done for reaching out. It’s such an awful feeling and situation you are going through. I’ve never admitted on the site before as I’ve been on here seeking advice about my partner but I was like you many years ago. It’s easy for me to forget as i last used 15 years ago but going to meetings with my partner recently has bought back memories for me and I feel a hypocrite for how angry I get with him sometimes. He wouldn’t recognise me if he knew me back then!
you need to talk to ur partner and tell him how serious it is for you as long as you feel safe to do that.
The fact that he does coke too means you have a much slimmer chance of stopping. How often is he using do you know?
You should search for CA meetings near you and go.you can call them up first for a chat if you feel more comfortable doing this and they can tell you where you’d nearest meetung is or try one online. I recommend you do this tomorrow while you are feeling like this. They will find you a sponsor, someone who can guide you through the steps. It’s all anonymous so no child protection are involved.
Alternatively look up smart meetings or you can do both at the same time.
it’s sounds as though your partner could maybe do with some support too.
it’s a tough addiction, please don’t beat yourself up, you’ve been very open and honest which takes courage.
you can get better but it will take work. But your life will be amazing and it will get easier in time and so worth it.
If other people can do it then so can you too.
U know the saying “if you keep doing what you’ve always done you will get what you’ve always got”
xxx