Hi Bees,
I also have a partner addicted to cocaine for many years. It’s important you understand that you didn’t cause it, you can’t change it or control it. I call it my three c words. I have also been gaslighted many times, its what addicts do. He will continue to do that manipulate you and lie unless he gets clean. Set boundaries for yourself and make them clear to him so he knows. If he chooses not to get clean leave him. It really doesn’t get better unless the addict comes to terms with their addiction and gets help. I am battling my own marriage but because I have three children I keep praying he will stop using. I’m close to leaving, but I always give one more chance. We become sick too.