Thank you all for your kind words, I truly don’t think I could do this without you all.
current situation.. he went off on his bender, came back home crying and begging… I gave in. Of course I did, I’m weak to his words!!
things then started to become dodgy again, he started smoking (after giving up for twelve years) and I have now come to realise he literally always needs to have his little secret.. something for him to scheme about and have behind my back.
I just accepted the smoking (he got a vape) I thought ‘there’s literally worse things he could be doing’ but we came to the caravan on week three… (he can only ever go three weeks without a bender) and the same old shifty behaviour started happening yesterday day.. my intuition sprung into action and I knew even before he did it. I took myself off to the seaside and came back to the kids club to see him sat at the table absolutely off his head. Then the disappearing happens, he went off for a ‘walk’ and when he came back he was just a mess.
We have cocaine tests at home, he begged me to drive three hours home to get one so he can PROVE he hadn’t taken cocaine…. This was at 2am. And right before I got into the car, I ordered an everything test.. just to see what he would say. I told him it would be there tomorrow morning and if I come back and it’s positive for ANYTHING and he’s been lying, we truly are over.
he admitted to having half an e tablet.. I know nothing about drugs but apparently it’s not as ‘bad’ as coke (he tells me) I’m devastated. Devastated at the depths of manipulating he would go to.. he would happily send me home to get a test that HE bought to show that he’s clean… when in reality it’s all just more manic and risky behaviour.
so now I’m laid next to him, in the caravan.. he’s passed out from his bender on our quiet, peaceful holiday. Trapped.
im not sure these happy ever after a do happen