Hi Bella,
I’ll probably stop going onto these forums soon as I’ve now officially said my goodbyes to my partner. After his last slip after we got back from being away at the start of August, something inside me just snapped and I realised I couldn’t do it anymore. I want better for my life than to be in this pain all the time.
I didn’t want to speak to him initially after his slip, and he took badly to that and told me he was much more likely to relapse if he had no contact with me. That threat just showed me how manipulative he is, and also told me how little my mental health matters to him. I spoke to his mother who was still saying it’s such a shame for him, he has this illness. She will continue to bail him out his entire life, and as such he might get sober, but for how long? I came to the realisation over the last few weeks that I didn’t want to stick around to find out.
I’ve been so scared for so long to walk away, as our future was all planned out until he ruined it and I kept thinking maybe I can save this. I was scared of seeing him have a happy ending with someone else. But you know what, whoever she might be, she can have him. As the peace I’m starting to get back is worth so much more. I’ve been unhappy and stressed out and worried for so long I think I had forgotten how it feels to actually be happy!
I think for some maybe there’s a happy ending out there, but their attitude has to be very different from what my partners or yours is right now. Please, think of your own life. You deserve so much better. Don’t be scared of your life turning out differently than what you thought it might. There might be something so much better waiting around the corner for you x