Hi jubbyj
It’s constant chaos and turmoil and until they get help and their actions show they are wanting to change , it just gets worse
It sounds as though you’re at that point of wanting to leave and to be honest I think it’s probably for the best. Don’t let him drag you down further.
I have been wanting to get out now for a long time but the ok /calmer times I get sucked back in, I still love him and cling onto hope . But it’s totally destroying me.
I’ve realised I need my own help, and I’ve reached out for help now and have a counselling referral currently going through ready to start in the new year – free via NHS.
If the counselling doesn’t help me get to a place where I can leave safely , I don’t know what else I can do…. My final straw was lending thousands to pay off dealers with a promise it was his final wake up call …3 weeks later in exactly same mess again, and the mood swings on top …just had enough!
I find keeping a journal also helps, reminds me I’m not going mad , and identify patterns more so know it’s not me (he will make out it is!)… So thats helped me keep my sanity a bit ….and seeking support here too has helped.
Wishing you strength and a peaceful future xx