Hi James
It is refreshing to hear views of a recovering addict and I think that having to overcome hard ships in life can give you a greater understanding about yourself and others and a tolerance of others difficulties.
I’m trying to understand the hardships and road to recovery that my boyfriend is going through – he’s used Crack for about 15 years and is now 60 years old.
My compassion, positivity, love and non judgment gave him the confidence to open up and admit his crack cocaine addiction.
9 months now and the journey is harder for us both than I realised. I’m piecing together how the drug works, because as a person who does no drink, no smoke and loves the outdoors, it is quite a revelation.
– I have never seen aggression towards me and he says other users in the Crack house are noisy and shout a lot. Even with a job he has little money due to the Crack, but doesn’t ask me for money. Will these behaviours change in time ?
– He can quit smoking and drinking for 3 weeks afterwards and not have urges for Crack, but then it happens on week 4. He says it isn’t even an urge. He starts drinking and smoking again and then out of the blue a voice tempts him to get a fix. Why is he not getting the cravings in the 3 weeks before ?
– He believes that there is some dark spell that got him into this and he has a weak mind and easily tempted and there is something malevolent that is sensing I am good for him and wants to push me away as it is scared I will stop his addiction. He says he needs to master this and will try the 12 steps but doesn’t believe 12 steps will help. What is your thoughts on this please ?
– what is he doing for 4 night in a Crack House ? He says he used to be desperate to get home from London and return the same night. He has been going more recently to Reading and says he is ashamed to come back incase I am waiting at his house. This time I have said when he doesn’t contact me I won’t come round. It seems he has still stayed away for 4 nights. It keeps going round and round in my head that he must be having sex with someone, but he says it is not like that in these places. What are the Crack houses actually like. He says noisy, filthy, chaotic.
– sorry but again with the sex…….he is very affectionate and wants to cuddle and hold me as soon as I come round after he comes back from his Crack spree. He is also like this at other times. Yet, he says he feels dirty inside and out. He also is disinterested in sex for 2 weeks afterwards, but there is still intimacy and a deep emotional connection with us. He says his sex drive is going, and it hasn’t been a problem in the past. When his sex drive returns he is concerned about being too adventurous, as he doesn’t know where this could lead. He used to use Crack and pick up women for sex and has had other girl friends using drugs. To be blunt now, his sex drive and what he got up to with me was through the roof on two occasions – once after coming back to me from taking Crack and second time after having a lot of drink. This drinking episode was was last week. He would, I expect have gone out and taken crack after drinking but he had made family arrangements the next day, so instead waited for me to come round. The next night, he had a lot to drink but did go out and I haven’t seen him since. This is why I am concerned that when he goes out to take crack after drinking, his sexual urges will cause him to seek sex. Cocaine is after all known as the party drug, but I also know that with prolonged use it can cause erectile dysfunction. I also wonder if the reason he feels shame and guilt and doesn’t want to come home Incase I am at his house is that I would know he has been with someone. Have I got reason for concerns that he is being unfaithful ?
– I hope to be putting the above to him when I hope he has retuned tomorrow and if it is happening then I will walk away. If not there is the question of building our relationship. We have spoken about so much we plan to do, but he lets me down, is short of money, and really can’t be relied upon. I don’t want him to lose faith in that he can stop his crack but I can’t let him sink me. I think I know the answer, but should I resist getting entangled more- that is him moving into mine, going traveling together, buying something to do up together ?
He struggles to hold down a job, we are on this merry go round of crack, he is going to be taking out loans. We are both going to be in a situation soon that we have to decide whether we move in together.
I appreciate any enlightenment James. I know everyone’s journey is individual but maybe your experience can support my next steps.
Best wishes in your future and stay clean and enjoy your life. I enjoy the highs of the mountains, the music that I dance to, and the comedy that makes me laugh. There are plenty of endorphins whizzing around to grab.