Hi everyone
I’ve been reluctant to post because I’m in such a bad space but I’m really struggling. When I relapse I always look back and wonder why I sabotage myself but right now I completely understand – this is so so tough. I’m trying to do the right things, light exercise, music etc but nothing’s helping.
I’m 3 weeks in but am still so so low and have virtually no motivation or energy, I’m in my 50s and abused codeine for years so know this is going to be a long old road to recovery but I’d hoped to be feeling a bit brighter by now. Trying to remain philosophical and accept things as they are but God this is awful – I despise the person I have become right now. The reality is that I have so much to look forward to if I keep clean but I don’t seem to care.
I’ve an early start tomorrow and a comparatively full on day tomorrow – the level of dread and panic I have around this (and potentially not sleeping tonight) is completely disproportionate.
I guess I’ll try and limp through and chalk up day 22 today… Sorry for the negativity and moaning… Here’s hoping that my next post will tell a different story.
Love to all
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