Hi Dee,
I don’t know what to say, this is horrific. It’s too much for any human being to deal with, and you are being so strong.
This isn’t sales or anything, there is another charity which may be able to help you. They have trained people for you to speak to and who can “signpost” you to help which hopefully will be something. They are called The Icarus Trust and you can contact them on their website http://www.icarustrust.org or simply email them on info@icarustrust.org.
I really hope this is some help and can give you the support you need and deserve. I wish you all the best.