Well he is on about week 8 of being clean but yet its no easier for me not even sure whether I am 100% convinced he is clean I am constantly paranoid almost obsessed with what he is doing, how long it takes him and I have even stooped so low to checking his phone. I cannot stand the sight of kitchen foil i have’nt bought any for about 5 years. You see with addicts there is always an excuse but fact is they are selfish and only ever put that horrid drug first. Just the word gets stuck in my throat I feel like I have been to hell and back i have bad chest pains and anxiety attacks its crazy because i was once really happy.
He wonders why I cannot trust him thing is I resent him for getting help while I get nothing the only thing that helps is this site knowing I am not alone. I have told him that if he messes up I will have nothing more to do with him and neither will the children I have to protect them and just hope one day when they are older they will understand.
He blamed his old friends for his addiction and I did too at one point but fact is he had a choice its just a shame no one gave me one, I too was in denial in the begining and by the time I realised I was head over heels for him and thought I could save him that was 15yrs ago fact is only they can save themselves.
Take care x