Im so sorry for your loss.Tears came to my eyes because I am now facing my dear husband who is on the road to his grave.I try to get through to him but he is in a world of his own. Now he is still alive I want to hug him and tell him I love him so much but he is not there anymore, just his body.Its like he has already gone .He also had a horrible upbringing ,beaten by his father while his mother encouraging him.He has never got over it.But I hear your words and they’ve touched my heart . Because I know that one day I will feel just like you are right now.Its like reading my future . But you can keep loving him even though he is not with you.You can keep his memories alive in your heart.You can tell your children about him and honour his life .Loving someone is a precious gift and you love deeply. Its just so tragic.I feel for you. xx