Hi Susie hope you re well, thank you for yor kind words and continued support. I ve not been on here for a while had a really bad summer health wise and am slowly beginning to recover, Im not sure what life will throw at me next, I keep getting up only to be knocked down again.
Anyway enough of the self pity it doesnt help at all,
At the moment i seem to be torn by wondering where my son is and how he is coping to feeling glad that at least i am spared all the violence and lies and all that comes with his addiction. My life is a lot more stable now but still i cant forget about him, every meal i sit down to eat i wonder if he has enough food etc,
I feel there is no happy ending in sight, its a no win situation, even if he suddenly appeared i dont think i will ever be able to trust him again,
Ive been thinking a lot over the past few days, reliving the past (not wise I know) from him being 17 to about 26 he lived a drug fueled life stealing, shoplifting, burglaries, resulting in prison, then he started on the first of many rehabs, up to him being 32 it was a right roller coaster of relapses rehab stealing, lies etc etc etc, suddenly he then did a complete turn around set himself up in a lovely little flat accepted help from professionals and slowly the son I had lost began to shine through, and just when I let my guard down and started trusting him wham did it kick off big time the worse by far, and now at almost 35 he is gone again, i really dont know if ive got the strength for it all any more, and honestly i resent him and all that he has done to all my family.
Sorry ive rambled again, im just pouring my thoughts down, i feel so sad because his life could have been so much better his two brothers have achieved so much in spite of the turmoil of their teenage years and its made us all so much closer as a family but there is one member missing and we all feel it, every celebration etc hes like the “elephant ” in the room
Anyway my dear enough of me now how are you doing? I hope things are still good have you heard anything from Fiona? I often think of you both.
Im off to try to get some sleep now just looked at the clock and its nearly half one, sending you huge squishy cyber hugs hunni take care and keep strong
Love and hugs
Sue xxx
