Hey mother of an addict….all your fears were my fears,all the negative bull that comes with an addict were in my life too,and it took me a while to get my head round the fact that I was adding to his problems….I was constantly saving him,enabling him…giving him a room, after he lost the flat WE helped him get, we furnished, we substadised his bills….saving him, by giving him money, we never got back, making excuses and burying our heads….he too has a small child, and it was then I realised his life was far from normal…I got support, read everything I could and realised his addiction was eating away at our family, I worked with his ex, and we decided he could only see his child when not under the influence of anything…then I kicked his ass out,and told him until he was ready to get help I was done…not easy, in fact as a mother I felt I was letting him down..I stopped giving money and told extended family the same….so he had no one to lie to, he then did 6 weeks in prison and I had no contact,other than letters..they all said the same…make the choice.! I’m a real believer that it has to come from them, life changing decisions…and it’s not easy, ….so he got himself a counsellor, then a job, and rang me….he is back in our lives..has relapsed afew times, cause addiction isn’t a fairy tale..recovery is hard work, and it takes real willpower..when he thinks he may fail, he rings, we talk, he speaks to the professions. His support network is his doctor, counsellor, psych councellor, his boss at work, and ofcourse his family…he will always be in recovery,but as time goes on he is making better decisions….I am learning to trust him again,it’s hard, but I love my son and want him to have a great life …it’s not. Uch to ask,but for an ex addict it’s enormous just to get through the day….you must get yourself support,and realise as parents we can’t make those changes for them, they have to want it! Letting go is hard, but in our case I wish I had stopped enabling sooner! Hugs xxx
