Hi Kath,
What a very hard time you are having. I was wondering if you have anyone that is supporting you. I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust that is set up for the family and friends of people with addictions. If you feel you would like some support for yourself you could talk with one of experienced trained volunteers called Family Friends. Talking with someone who understands what you are going through might help you to make sense of how you are feeling.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
I hope that things improve for you.
