Hi,
I feel really sad reading your post. You have obviously been through a terrible time. Its good to hear that you have people who love you but if you need any other help from people that would understand what you have been through please contact The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that supports the family and friends of people with addictions. if you would feel it useful, you could be put in touch with one of our Family Friends who are experienced trained volunteers. Talking to one of them might help you make sense of how you are feeling.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
I hope things work out for you.
