It’s very hard coping with a drug addict in the family when you have got children to care for. My children are grown up now and we are grandparents. What I used to do when things got bad was to cut myself off from my partner. This way, I never once had social services get involved and I was able to give my children as normal a life as possible. Of course, there were always dramas, lots of prison visits and all the rest – the embarrassment of all his court appearances. I feel I’ve wasted my life too. One of the biggest drawbacks of sticking with him for so long is that I’ve always had to be the breadwinner. To cope with stress over the years, I smoked (normal cigarettes). Unfortunately, I have now been diagnosed with emphysema (I can still run, walk miles etc as it’s in the early stages) but really don’t want to work as hard as I have done. He hasn’t stepped up, of course. He’s got a part-time job that he moans about every second of the day. To be honest, he’s lucky to have it – he permanently stinks of weed and I don’t think any other employer would put up with him for more than a day. The heroin addition is always in the background as well. He’s been on methadone for absolutely years and is reluctant to come off it. I tell my daughter every day: ‘Find yourself someone nice and don’t end up like me – having to work.’ Because of his addiction, my other half is like a child trapped in a middle-aged man’s body. He demands a lot of attention, which is really draining – especially after a hard day’s work. He moans constantly and also puts me down. Sometimes, I wish someone could see what I am having to cope with in my own home and step in and explain to him the pressure he is putting on me. When we were younger, he used to do all the things you mention above – accuse me of cheating and was controlling. Now I realise this is just a means of detracting attention away from what he might be doing. My other half can be lovely. He looks like the boy next door and if we didn’t live in a small community nobody would guess his background. I think I fell for him for what I thought he could be, not what he was. Big mistake. I am not surprised you are depressed, but things do get better. I have always found speaking to strangers better because people who know me switch of as soon as I mention his name. They are sick of it all. I can’t blame them. Chin up, Leanne, you are not alone. x
