21 days sober and hit a wall!

I’m desperate to change my life…. My coke and alcohol use has almost cost me everything including my life during the come downs. I know logically I need to stay sober but the last few days I am questioning if life is worth living sober and feel like being an addict will at least mean I get moments of happiness. My husband is still drinking and I’m angry and resentful. I don’t want him to stop drinking purely for me as when he has we both end up hitting the bottle together as he tells me how much he struggles too. I’m scared he will get bored with me. Most of our coke binges have been together but it’s me who ends up suffering and making mistakes!