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I have read so many of your stories on here and it’s like I have wrote them myself, I felt so alone in this and like I was the only one going through this until I found this site. Why do they put us through this! 🙁
I met my partner just over a year ago and we hit it off straight away and fell in love with each other quite quickly, in fact the whole relationship moved very quickly and he moved into my home just after 1 month I honestly couldn’t have been happier I really thought I had struck gold. After breaking up from my kids dad 2 years ago (I have 2 children with him) who was also an addict who was always lying and cheating, I really got my life together I was going to the gym every day and socialising with friends and really felt good about myself. When I met my current partner I really thought this is it, it’s my turn to be happy. He was excellent with my 2 children, and so devoted to me. When we first got together I wasn’t aware of his addiction, he would do it on the odd occasion which didn’t bother me at first as it made no difference to our relationship. After time went on it ended up once a week and I started to notice his need for it and nothing I would say would change his mind. But I loved him and allowed it to happen. After 5 months of us being together he was having a drink one night and turned really nasty and we had an argument, the police got called and they sent him away to which I then realised after the police had gone that he had stolen 10,000 that was hidden in my house of my brothers savings!! Yes 10000! I was devastated and completely heartbroken that he did this to me it was a right kick in the teeth! I didn’t hear from him in over a week then he called me, told me he was sorry and that he wanted to be with me and that he still had the money! So I met up with him to find that he had spent £7,300 in a week! He admitted he had a problem and used the money for a binge and promised to pay the money back weekly ( which he has been doing) I stupidly got back with him as I wanted to help him. The first few weeks was really hard for both of us as he was fighting an addiction and I was trying to understand it all, but we got through it and he didn’t touch it for months, things were so much better and if anything we had a perfect relationship. In January this year I fell pregnant with his baby and he was so happy and so was I, It was all he ever wanted and after seeing how he was with my children and that he was now clean I just knew he was going to be a fantastic dad.
Things soon changed 🙁 I am now 30 weeks pregnant and feel like I have done it all on my own, he has been to the scans but any other support is non existent, he is back on the drugs, blaming me for everything he can, nothing I do is good enough, binging for days on end and I just can’t understand it. How can someone who was so loving and looking forward to having a baby turn so nasty and unsupportive I will never get my head around it.
Luckily I have a very supportive family but they don’t always seem to understand and I suppose that’s why I’m here to get some support from people who knows how I feel.
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Hi Ctip, so sorry you are having to deal with this while pregnant, I hope you are managing to look after yourself in all this and not stress too much (easier said than done I know). The same happened to me – our son’s 3.5 now. It’s such a shame that the addiction takes over when you can see how much they want that family life and have so much love to give. Mine is an amazing dad when he can stay off the drink and drugs.
I’m glad you have a supportive family. Mine slept all the way through my labour as he’d been on the drugs and kept asking the midwives how long it was going to go on for! They got so annoyed with him at one point they almost threw him out. He then pressurised me to go home with the baby before I was ready as he couldn’t deal with being at the hospital – so, make sure you have another person there to actually support you just in case would be my advice.
We’ve had amazing times like you’ve said – perfect and lovely family life, and terrible times (binges, he got sectioned, vanishing for days) since then. I’m now insisting he gets professional help and does the recovery ‘steps’ at NA before he can come back after the latest relapse but I feel terrible as him and our son have such a strong bond.
I’m here if you need to chat about things – it’s such a hard situation, especially with the pregnancy hormones thrown in I found! xx
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Hi ctip, he is getting professional help now but while he was still living here he told me he made the calls but I’ve since found out he didn’t – I won’t have him back living here now unless I can see he’s making progress long term with recovery and keeping up with the meetings…. I don’t really know if I will ever get to that point but one day at a time I guess….I’d like to stay together but I’m just not sure about living together again. It feels like too much of a risk to go back to all the anxiety again.
He would do anything for our son and I think that’s what’s keeping him going at the moment.
I really hope your partner manages to get clean and you never know the new baby might be the motivation he needs – but prepare yourself for a rocky road ahead I think and think what you are prepared to put up if he’s living with you as you and the kids need to come first xx
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Would you ask him to move out or do you think that would make you more stressed at the moment? Best to do whatever’s going to be easiest to deal with and make sure you and baby are ok xx
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