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I have finally left my alcoholic husband after 39 years of marriage. He has always been a heavy drinker, our whole social life revolved around drink. But the last 8 years he has been what I would describe as an alcoholic. Lost jobs, his driving licence (twice)and all the negative things that happen. I just couldn’t take any more, I tried everything, going to court with him, not going to court with him, going to the GP, offering to stop drinking myself, even though i drink sparingly and tried to arrange things that did not involve alcohol. I have been supportive and encouraging, I have shouted and blackmailed, I honestly dont think there is anything I havent tried. The lies, the gaslighting, the hateful person he has turned into have just been horrendous. This time for me is hard, this is my second week gone and I want so badly to go home, not even to him, just to my home but I know I can’t. Since I left he hasn’t even asked me to go back, he has just seen an opportunity to drink every day. He has asked my grown up children to sepak to me without doing anything at all to even make me think he wants to change. He is in complete denial, buying alcohol at 5am is normal to him. I suppose I just want someone to tell me again that this is the right thing, that I had no choice. I do feel guilty but console myself with the knowledge that being there wasn’t stopping him either
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Hi. I think you have absolutely done the right thing. My partner drank herself to death a year after I left. I have tortured myself over and over but the truth is it would have happened anyway as she didn’t even say she wanted to stop. Prior to leaving I endured either abuse or being treat like I wasn’t there. After I left I had repeated phone calls and messages telling me everything was my fault but in reality it gave her yet another excuse to keep drinking. I’m devastated and grieving the person I loved and thought loved me prior to the drinking becoming really bad. The harsh reality is that the alcohol is the only motivation in life and nothing else matters anymore. I feel so cheated and now I’m alone again at 54 and will never trust my own judgement to ever be in a relationship again. Ultimately however there is only you that can answer your question. When I went to her funeral I had some people sitting in judgement but they want to try living in my shoes for a few days never mind years and see how they feel now. The person I loved turned into a monster and i am glad the monster can’t hurt me anymore but still grieving the person I loved before the drink. If I hadn’t left I would have ended up either killing myself or been sectioned. Good luck.
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