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Feeling alot better tonight. Its been 4 week without cocaine, friday nights seem to be the worse for me after a long ass week at work, and other obstacles that get thrown at you in life.
I guess its just an excuse to use. But i feel a lot better today, and no urges to go and use. Im still dreaming of using alot tho. If i did have a drink now tho id get it without thinking twice. So no drinking at all for me š
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Absolutely brilliant. You are doing so well. I expect your gf and family are feeling the benefits. Sounds like you definitely are. Keep it up. In a few weeks time you will be feeling even better. Unfortunately I have had a week of no response from by son. I have had a rant on my previous thread and feeling pretty crap. You stay strong, no drink, no drugs – excellent.
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Hi danman83
Iāve ended it with my husband yesterday as he moved 3 hours away from us 2 weeks ago to try and get clean as no temptation down there and Friday night it was apparent that he was off his face. He denied heād had anything even swearing on our kids lives, I made him send me a photo of his pupils they were massive and he stayed awake all night watching music videos, when he was supposed to be at work at 8am.
Didnāt go into work, then he confessed heād had 2 pills. Omg I went mad! Why would someone who was down there sorting their life out take pills? Heās obviously sourced them from somewhere as no matter where he goes drugs always seem to find him. Maybe it was coke and he thought that was bad to admit that and lied about it being pills. Thatās the trouble youāll never know!
Why would he do this? I was furious, as what would he have done, stayed down there using secretly then fooled us into having him back and it starting all over again? Iām so sad that heās choosing not to sort it out.
He hasnāt bothered texting or nothing, he didnāt overly seemed bothered. Not even when I said he wonāt be able to see his kids. š
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B8988 – he wont be bothered, as drugs completely changes people, it makes them so selfish, its absolutely heartbreaking as its like the person has gone – I feel so so sorry for you. Sending lots of love. xxx
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Hi Georgia, well he was bothered last night all he kept on about was if I meet someone else and kiss or sleep with them he will never have me back. You have got to laugh havenāt you? I said ā if thatās your biggest worry, you should do more about tackling your problems rather than acting like a teenage boyā I said if I do meet someone else Iād doubt Iād ever want you back anyway as Iād be happy.
Today Iāve woke up and I donāt feel all that bothered really. I hope the feeling stays like that. I feel like being super counterproductive and sorting out my life. Onwards and upwards hey? Xx
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Glad you are enjoying ‘normal things’, like shopping and decorating. Normal things can be so great. I see my son’s friends in the supermarket with their kids and think why can’t my son be like that. He only lives a mile away, literally up the road but we can’t get access as he lives in a flat. We know from previous experience when he lived in his house that he would just ignore us even though he was in. I asked his present gf if we could meet up and have a chat but she said she would have to ask him. She said she is standing by him and doing her best to support him with how he is dealing with his ‘issues’. I told her not to bother as he will just say no. We have got his daughter here today. My husband will take her to football tomorrow. These are things he should be doing and she asks us questions about whether we have seen him’ how he is. She is 10 years old and knows he has a drug problem but doesn’t really understand. She shouldn’t have to deal with this at her age.
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Danman I am so proud of you! It sounds so tricky! To have avoided it for a month is amazing ????
When you say ādreaming of usingā do you mean literally dreaming when you are asleep or just thinking about it? I am wondering why my ex husband canāt give up!
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Hi bluebell- yes he messaged today asking why Iād blocked him on Instagram, I told him that I hadnāt but had deleted my account for a bit. He then text saying he loved me and the kids more than anything but he canāt go on like this anymore. I just replied ā well only you can change your lifeāā I went out with colleagues and had afternoon tea, I didnāt give him much thought, as it could be manipulation, hopefully heās not being serious. Then he asked if he could speak to the kids, I said of course. Funny though he hasnāt asked to speak to them for the first two weeks he was there, now as soon as I end our relationship he wants to speak to them.
He did phone and started crying his eyes out on the phone. I do feel sorry for him, but this time something is different in me, Iām too angry at him to want to do anything about it. Plus I do believe that me bailing him out is prolonging him being ill!
Iād try and leave your husband to it bluebell- just blank him, donāt ask him for anything, if you suspect heās using, stop him from seeing his kids, see how much he is willing to fight to see them. See since I went to al anon Iāve realised how a lot of our behaviour is keeping them from ever getting better. Apparently they need to be so miserable on the drugs that they need to choose a better lives for themselves, even little things like you asking for his help is giving him reason to not seek change. Try al anon, Iāve only been once so far but a lot of it makes sense xx
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congratulations Dan… thats amazing, literally <3 really happy for you. Someone recommended my BF takes a supplement called GABA, he said its great.. only Ā£10.
might be worth a go.
You are right - AVOID alcohol x
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B8988 I am very sorry to hear this. Apparently this is a very depressing time of year and my ex has also been on a bender this weekend. On Saturday night he ignored my boys calls to him when my autistic son aged 11 had a meltdown with his computer. Iām no tech wizard but I googled the error code did my best but couldnāt solve it. My ex is a computer whizz and as lives two mins up the road, after an hour of my poor son banding his head on the wall (literally) I grabbed my youngest son to see if the ex was there. I was most surprised to see his car. No lights were on in his flat. I got my son to buzz and lo and behold he answers. He claimed to be asleep but I told him to get downstairs and sort the computer out for his son. He said he had to get changed. We waited outside. Then he staggered down looking annoyed and grumpy and said what did we want. We said to help the eldest one with his computer! He then said he had to go upstairs (to which I gave him a really nasty look) and said why? To which he said there is nobody here you can come and look if you like to which I walked onto the pavement in disgust. He then came down and was totally feral and rude to meslagging me off to my youngest son and accusing me of breaking the computer and asking me why I tried to fix it when I was stupid. My youngest son looked very n omfortable hearing this.
When he got there he couldnāt fix it (transpires the hard disk is faulty but fortunately under warranty) and said heād come back Sunday morning.
He is claiming no cocaine since Sept bet last year! He was so totally hanging off his Arsenal it made me so angry! Itās one thing ignoring me but he ignored his boys and the eldest was totally melting down! It made me so angry that while I am trying to provide for the boys he is out partying and then spending Saturday in bed. I am really mad about it! I am left to do absolutely everything.
When he came down the next day he apologised to me for being āmoodyā. Then complimented me on my flatpack skills. The flatpack he had promised to build , but I knew he wouldnāt. Like all the other empty promises.
Do you agree thissounds like a man on a bender rather than someone who just āsmokes weedā.
I hate the bare faced lies we get! At what point does this arsehole look up and realise he has ruined his life but more important ruined his family! I feel so guilty about daydreaming of him overdosing so he ends up in hospital, not dying, but bad enough that he finally comes to his senses. I fear though that itās going to be the latter and heāll just die and it will probably end up being me or the boys who find him face up in his own vomit!
B8988, you put on one of these threads that you wished you could just not be in love with him anymore and I am so with you on that! I wish that was possible! I wish that more than anything as I am so tired of all this! Have you heard from your husband yet? Sending big hugs xxx
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Youāre doing so well. I showed my husband them you tube videos you suggested and he didnāt even look at them, thatās when I suspected that heās not really into changing yet, apparently when youāre wanting to really change you go above and beyond to make it happen. He did for the first week then it dwindled out. Oh well!
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Thanks danman83 – Iāve told him start acting like a 36 year old married father of 5 and not a teenage boy! Yes youāve got this problem but you can do something about it if you want.
Plus he was worried incase I move on and said if I kiss or sleep with anyone else he will never have me back! Thatās just manipulation, I told him if I do meet someone else Iād probably be happy and doubt Iād want him back anyway! I told him if he was that worried about me moving on heād have done more about getting clean.
I also said ā enjoy your single, party lifestyle, just donāt think when the drugs stop working and you realise itās not all it was cracked up to be, that Iāll have you back!ā
Balls in his court now. Iāll just watch and wait!
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Anytime he drinks, he does coke. Literally drinking is a huge avoid if youre struggling with a coke habit. He cant do either.
He is going counselling at the moment, been almost 2 weeks since the last relapse and he tends to do it 2/3 weeks ish whenever he has an anxiety meltdown.
He downloaded that app, but doesnt know how to use it, was looking through it yesterday actually it does look good.
I know I do need a night out, but I get worried about leaving him in case he slips up. He is away working up north tomorrow for 1 night and I just worry so much. Wish I could just accept the fact I dont have control of the matter… he does want to stop completely though and hes doing everything he can to stop but I wont hold my breath as i have before and been let down time and time again.
It is so hard, doesnt help that his ex (that he has kids with) doesnt leave him alone and is set on making his life hell. Causes him such stress which makes me nervous about him relapsing !! ah the joys..
Congratulations though on the 4 week mark, thats so good. I bet your girlfriend is well happy x
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Well done Danman ! Thatās fantastic that your still off that stuff , your such an inspiration for others on here x
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You are doing so well Danman, I wish my ex would see what the coke has done to him. B8988 at least your husband loves you and says so.
I had an awful day yesterday. I finished preparing all the divorce papers and let him know he needed to sign them. He text back saying ānice oneā.
When he came round we signed in silence until he said āthis is sad isnāt it, the opposite of getting marriedā. I just looked at him. He then said ābut itās got to be doneā. He then fussed about with a parcel that he wanted collected from mine as I am in today and when he left he kissed me on the cheek and gave me a big hug. I donāt know whether he was really upset or not, I donāt understand any of his behaviour any more. I later text to say I had never felt so awful after signing papers to which he replied. āNo, not very nice at all.ā
I really donāt know what that man values. Itās certainly not me and the kids! Must be his freedom to do what he likes when he likes with whoever he likes. I wish I could move away. Heās having his cake and eating it living up the road. I wish I could move away but I have a massive penalty if I cash in before the end of the fixed rate and also both my sons want to stay. Itās like I donāt get a say in anything. I wish he would go and move to London. Heās there for work today. Tuesday night is coke night after work with his techs chronnies. Heāll ride back in first thing in the morning and then expect contact with the kids. But of course, he isnāt doing coke according to him……such a liar! His bad moods and gaunt looks say otherwise. Donāt even know why I even care any more. Just st wish I didnāt have to see him. Maybe if he didnāt see us then he would realise what he has lost!
Sorry for rant! I just know 100% I wouldnāt be getting divorced if it wasnāt for the drugs! š
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Ahh bluebell that is sad. Maybe when itās all final youāll begin to feel better. I would suggest he is still using, as when my husband had 6 months clean his personality almost went back to normal, so if your husbands hasnāt it would suggest he is.
Basically Iāve started to look at it like this, why would I want to be in a relationship where Iām not number 1 priority? Itās a not normal relationship being married to a drug addict, I was thinking before, most people leave normal people for things like lying, being abusive, cheating, being manipulative, being lazy, moody etc. We have to put up with nearly all of those things when youāre with an addict, but are supposed to accept it because itās an illness. Itās bloody exhausting and debilitating.
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oh my god, thats so heartbreaking, drugs just makes people emotionless.. it literally draws the person in and changes them… its so sad :'( sending you lots of love xx
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