- This topic has 55 replies, 9 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 6 months ago by icarus-trust.
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February 1, 2019 at 3:17 pm #5033danman83Participant
I would like to say a big thank thank you to, jan, vox,sae1996, georgia26. And jennifer. If i have missed anyone out you aswell. I think i may have spelt some names wrong lol.
Any way ladies, thank you very much for your kind words. I cant thank you enough. And it really does help me a great deal. If i ever see you around bolton ill buy you all a drink haha.
Have a great weekend and go and have some fun for a change x
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February 1, 2019 at 4:48 pm #11039icarus-trustParticipant
Well done Danman.
Keep strong.
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February 1, 2019 at 5:47 pm #11042dnanonParticipant
Absolutely brilliant Danman. As I have said before just you keep an eye out for that little devil, especially if you have a drink. Speaking of which you could very easily bump into me in Bolton, but not at night as I am not that brave!!
My son is still not responding to me and I have decided to follow the advice and leave him alone to see if he will get in touch. He responded to my hubby to say to stop talking about ‘drugs’ or he will stop texting him. He also said he is going away for a week. I have tried to ask his gf how she would feel if her son didn’t want to see or speak to her for no reason but have not had a reply.
You have a good weekend too. Continue moving on and upwards x
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February 1, 2019 at 5:58 pm #11045danman83Participant
Well maybe you should just leave him to it then. And just dont mention drugs. It looks like hes going to have to hit rock bottom to realise he needs help.
Which in a good way helps. As a mother its not good on your health so i hope it all gets sorted for you.
Thanks for your kind words. Have a good weekend too.x
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February 1, 2019 at 5:54 pm #11043jennifer68Participant
Your doing amazing you stay strong and thankyou for all the help you have given me and so many other people on here haven’t shared this but I lost my husband to drink and drugs many years ago he was 31 years old my kids were brought up without a father because of addiction and stupidity now I am watching my son go through this, life is precious enjoy every minute in a safe happy way please x
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February 1, 2019 at 6:06 pm #11047danman83Participant
I am so sorry to hear this it ruins people lifes, did he pass away? Its not good seeing it all happen again with your son. No mum should witness this, and i feel sorry for what ive put my mun through. But im on the mend now. And instead of getting coke, tonight i am reading my 1st stephen king book lol. Im a couple of pages in and im already glued and excited.
Whats the situation now with your son? Is he getting help
And thank you so much for you kind words x
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February 1, 2019 at 6:04 pm #11046hoxParticipant
Keep up the good work, you are doing brilliantly and helping a lot of us on your journey.
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February 2, 2019 at 8:07 am #11065jennifer68Participant
Hi Dan yes my husband passed away , and my son seems to be going down hill again we have few days when I have hope then it starts again it’s alcohol mainly now and pills whatever he can get hold of coke if he manages to sell something or convince someone to share I think but anything to get out off his head his behaviour is irrational and he’s mainly angry I get the brunt of it as I am only one here think I have given up find myself wandering streets stupid times of day and night just to get out house I have so many friends but don’t want them to know the true situation at home , I know I should make him leave but can’t do it he has no money no job doesn’t sign on properly no friends left just few others like him but they aren’t friends think he’s stealing I cannot risk him dying if I kick him out sounds extreme but can’t lose someone else to drugs and alcohol he’s my child ! I am under the doctor myself now he’s given me helpline numbers but he needs to want to stop maybe some people just don’t ?? He seems to like this lifestyle he has no morals anymore everything I brought him up to be he isn’t anymore it’s just sad and horrible. You are a strong man and obviously want to get better and clean from drugs my son doesn’t
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February 2, 2019 at 4:57 pm #11073danman83Participant
Jen heres my num just send a text if u need someone to talk to , as you cant tell people close to you. [number removed].
And im sorry about your husband. I totally understand were your coming from. Ive always said i wouldnt make my kids homeless no matter what.
Do you think hes like this because his dads passed away and its something deep down? Does he want to quit? He must see your hurting? I feel like coming down and tell him to sort his head out lol
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February 2, 2019 at 10:22 am #11068dnanonParticipant
Hi Jennifer, I really feel for you as you can see in my previous posts I am in a similar situation to you with my son but he no longer lives with us. Fortunately I have my husband and we do have each other to share our pain and thoughts with and take our anger out on. I really think you need someone you can talk to and share with in addition to on here. Is there one friend who you think you can trust? Other than that you need to do something for yourself i.e. A hobby, meeting up with friends – just to take your mind of things for a short time. Have you got other family you can see? Like my son yours doesn’t seem to want to stop so I have realised it’s not much use offering support. Hope this helps and that you get some advice and support from an expert. You take care x
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February 2, 2019 at 10:32 am #11069dnanonParticipant
Hi Danman, sorry to digress on your post. I have a question for you. My son has text myself and my husband today to say that he is off today and that he will be having no contact with the outside world till it’s over. Any idea what he might be doing? He did text my hubby the other day to say he will be away for a week but that it was nothing to do with drugs. He said his gf will be in the same place but not to text her as she won’t be able to text about it. Again any ideas?
With regard to yourself your mum must be so chuffed with you. Your gf and kids have got there husband and dad back. Enjoy a ‘normal’ weekend and you keep up the good work x
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February 2, 2019 at 5:04 pm #11074danman83Participant
Can i ask what time he text??? I think hes locking him self away from people till hes off coke or what ever drug hes on.and sorting himself. Thats only thing i can think off.
But tbh i really dont know.. it could be summat else but i dnt want say. But he did say he will have contact with the outside would when its over. I really dnt know tho.. can u not check on him..
And thanks , ive been ikea for a family day lol
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February 2, 2019 at 5:28 pm #11076dnanonParticipant
He text us at 7.30 am this morning. He said his gf will be in the same place but don’t send messages because she won’t be able to talk about it. We can’t check on him because he lives in a flat and when we press the buzzer he just doesn’t answer. In his previous text he said he would be away for a week but from your experience it takes a month to detox. I dread to ask what it could be that you don’t want to say. Me and my husband keep thinking he may be in hospital or something. We have been through various scenarios but it’s just that the previous text he sent to my hubby said nothing to do with drugs. So worried but will just have to wait. I start a new job next week and need to focus on that.
You are definitely getting back to normal if you can spend the day at IKEA, ha ha. At least I can still laugh!
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February 2, 2019 at 7:20 pm #11077danman83Participant
I asked what time because, its 7.30am and he most probably was on coke and been up all night.. and hes coming down off it and hes thinking hes had enough so leave him alone till hes sorted.. thats what im thinking.. but dont take my word for it.. if he never texts you and then out of blue u get one early morning at the weekend..hes most likely been off his head on a come down..feeling guilty.
I text my mum about 5am crying my eyes out coming down off cocaine and asked for help.. but i could be wrong. I dont think its that other i was on about.
But , ye … had a good time at ikea lol
Just let him try doing what hes doing.
Text him if u want but dont mention drugs or anything like that. Just ask hows he doing.. and you try and focus on your job.. im only giving u ideas. Its entirely up to you what you do. Is he your only child?
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February 2, 2019 at 10:29 pm #11080dnanonParticipant
Really appreciate your comments from someone who I feel has been in a similar situation to my son. It just worries me that he doesn’t want our support despite us always being there in the past for him. His previous and present partners have both said that he has ‘issues’ but when we have asked they don’t give us any other info. I would like to know what the other thing you were thinking it could be. Thanks for the suggestions. I have another son who is 3 yrs older, separated, new partner, 5 yr old son. He has had to take a back seat but knows the score. We see him either once, twice a week. My other son lives in the same area but even when he was with his family we hardly saw him. We would invite him to sunday dinner, summer barbeques but he would always have a reason why he was busy. We also see his kids as they are our granc children. So hard when they ask have you seen daddy, especially the 10 yr old, as she knows about the drugs. It heartbreaking and we really struggle at times with what to say.
Anyway are you off to Sunday mass tomorrow or is that a step too far x. Perhaps a little prayer to say thanks and I’m doing ok.
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February 3, 2019 at 3:52 am #11091danman83Participant
Yep thats way to far lol. Im just going to spend some time with my kids and relax and maybe read..
I was just thinkin he might leave england and start a fresh, but i dnt think its that at all now. Have a good sunday x
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February 3, 2019 at 9:46 am #11096dnanonParticipant
No I don’t think it’s that either. You too x
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February 3, 2019 at 1:51 pm #11104danman83Participant
Yes! I feel so much happier, and fresh.
No saturday come down lol. I wake up saturday about 3am. Because of my routine on my night shift. And i just read my book for 2 hours.
Weve all took the dog out for a big walk today. Life is great.
But ive been here before, and relapsed.. i just need not to drink alcohol anymore. And i should be fine????????
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February 3, 2019 at 3:54 pm #11107danman83Participant
Cheers mate ????
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February 3, 2019 at 4:31 pm #11108
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February 4, 2019 at 8:12 am #11111danman83Participant
I thought that lol and thanks mate, i really appreciate it! Hows your bf done this weekend?
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February 4, 2019 at 10:40 pm #11123sae1996Participant
Hahaaaaa,
Yep, things have been good since I was last on here. I have been checking up on here but just haven’t posted 🙂
How are you?
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February 5, 2019 at 8:55 am #11125danman83Participant
Am good thanks. Am getting to the point now were im thinking.. am i ever gonna be able to go out again without drinking 🙁 i never really went out much anyway.. but when my gf does and im stuck in the house 🙁 i think its just my mind playing tricks on me wanting that shit.. but im trying my best blank it out lol
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February 5, 2019 at 8:49 am #11124georgia26Participant
Dan, well done.. seriously what youre doing is amazing you should be proud of yourself mate. Hope youre all well and things are a bit better for you all. My BF has been having addicton counselling treatment and it seems to be working for now. Although I wont get my hopes up, as it seems that when i do it smacked me in the gut!! Love to you all xxxx
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February 5, 2019 at 8:57 am #11126danman83Participant
Thanks georgia 🙂 but dont mention ive heard it all before like my gf did lol it made me want to get more and it pissed me off her saying it lol but thats up 2 u!
Fair play to him.. hes admitted it and doing the right thing..when was the last time he had it? X
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February 5, 2019 at 9:11 am #11130georgia26Participant
Yeah I deffo learnt the hard way, I know not to start now – i just praise him. Its been about 3-4 weeks, remember that wednesday night he randomly did it after having an anxiety meltdown, hes paying £60PH to see this counsellor every wednesday and he said its working, i find it hard to not get anxious about it though.
In reply to your post, I dont know if youd be able to drink again -its weird it sorta goes hand in hand dont it – as soon as you have a drink youll want coke, its hard as its everywhere, its the devils dandruff i call it..
I used to do it on the occasion and i never saw the big deal over it, it just made me bite my nails haha
My bf self medicated his anxiety with drink & drugs when his X mrs went off with his kids with his brother, its all very mental and twisted no wonder hes got issues.
see i am ok about it at the moment, but some days i just sense that hes going to relapse and he keeps talking about havings kids etc but i am scared i will commit myself and i will be let down again..
xx
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February 5, 2019 at 10:35 am #11133danman83Participant
£60 an hour wow.. suppose its better than putting it up his nose..
The cravings supposedly stop after amonth.. but after that its trickery, his brain tricking him.so tell him be aware if he dont know that.
I can imagine you in the corner of a club just bitting your nails lmao..
Tell him tho most people relapse 4th week and 5th.. so tell him. Be extra careful these next few weeks. Dont drink! Dont see his mates for a few week. Tell him take u out for a meal or summat. Because hes gone this far and the longer he leaves it the better he will feel. Thats my opinion and thats what im doing now. Up 2 him tho that lol.
What the fuk is his brother playing at?? Do they still talk??
And that with the kids. I have 2 with my gf and 1 with my ex.. when our layla was born shes 7.. i said thats it now am quitting.. when our logan was born hes 4.. i said im quitting lol and here i am lol
7 years later 5 weeks clean. But i wasnt having it every day. Or every week. But its not good enough.
So your right. He needs to get fixed and sorted 1st.. then everything else will fall in to place. X
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February 5, 2019 at 4:29 pm #11142lou1321Participant
Hi Danman,
I am new on here, my son has been using cocaine since he was 16 but I think truly addicted since he was 19, he is now 24. I just wondered, how much cocaine would you be using if you were spending £500 a week? is that even possible or do you think I am not facing up to the fact that my son could be doing other drugs? He has been through rehab and was clean for about 5 months and then I just don’t know why or what happened but here we are again, the only difference at the moment is that he is holding down a job… I have absolutely been his enabler and paid so many debts off I had to re-mortgage.. I just don’t get it, I have tried, we have been to family therapy, it was bloody tough and heart breaking, I have stood by him through everything andafter he stole from me again this weekend I said No more, enough now, you are on your own. Except now I feel guilty, will he used more because I have rejected him, will he hate me forever. He was given a council flat last autumn so at the moment I am safe in the knowledge that for now at least he has a roof over his head… He would rung me up to 10 times a day but now I haven’t spoken to him since Saturday and it’s killing me.
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February 5, 2019 at 4:32 pm #11143georgia26Participant
Hi rlg21… £500 on cocaine is 100% doable, cocaine is so so expensive. I know people who have had £1000 a week habit..
bless your heart, if he wants to change he needs to go to the doctors and get help ASAP.
xx
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February 5, 2019 at 4:41 pm #11146lou1321Participant
Thank you georgia26 , I do think he wants to fight it, he cries and hates that it has taken over his life BUT he usually says this when he needs money, I do believe that he wants to stop and I know from all of these stories how incredibly hard that is, I have been to meetings with him (on his request) and met his sponsor but I think the Cocaine pull is just too much for him. He has had several seizures, he has a hole in his septum and he is asthmatic. He is so skinny I just hate to see my boy in this place, I have no idea how he holds down his job!
My ex husband is a gambling addict and that is a whole different story but the result is that I am on my own dealing with this too.
I wish a cure could be created to stop addiction… stay strong Georgia26 xx
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February 5, 2019 at 8:52 pm #11163dnanonParticipant
Hi, I have posted before about my son’s addiction which is similar to your son. I will try to summarise. He is 32 and been addicted to cocaine for approx 10 years. He has 2 failed relationships and one child with each. Over the past 2 years he has become worse. He no longer works. We recently helped him sell his house before it got repossessed. He received a large amount of money from the house in November 18. Since then we have not seen my son and he does not answer is phone and rarely responds to any texts. He has also not seen his kids since then but has said he missed them. He lives with his gf in a flat and we can’t get access as the door is coded. We have been in contact with his gf but she gives us very little info. I have been at my wits end worried about his health and what he looks like. Last week he text my husband to say he is going away for a week, no contact with the outside world until it’s all over. We have been thinking all sorts about what he meant. I have been texting his gf to ask if he is ok and she replied that he is ok, nothing else. Despite all our offers of support he has refused our help. I just wish he would let us help him. Like yourself we are desperate and hope he will try to stop.
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February 6, 2019 at 10:21 am #11175lou1321Participant
I feel your pain DNAnon. Wouldn’t it be wonderful If he is in rehab and will see you once he is clean… I hope and pray that that is what he means xx
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February 6, 2019 at 10:05 pm #11183dnanonParticipant
Thanks for your thoughts and prayers xx. You keep the communication with your son going and keep encouraging him. Hopefully he will take the right steps to get himself clean. In my texts I told my son I loved him and wanted him back but he never responded.
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February 5, 2019 at 4:32 pm #11144lou1321Participant
Oh and Danman, be proud, you have been incredibly brave and strong, now embrace your beautiful family and enjoy 🙂
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February 5, 2019 at 6:16 pm #11155danman83Participant
Well hes using a lot.. i only got 3 grams a time on friday.. but id try and get more.. depending who u get it off its eithee 30 or 40 quid a gram. So hes having like 10 gram.. its a lot. But he will be gettin more than that if hes buying it in bulk..
Does he want to quit? Hes more than likely gonna use more being on his own.. and personally i wouldnt like to be on my own in a flat coming down off coke.
He needs to cut everyone off and delete everyones numbers.
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February 6, 2019 at 10:18 am #11174lou1321Participant
I think he was buying in bulk and trying to pay for his own addiction by selling, unfortunately he never has enough to pay the dealers because he has used too much himself.
He does want to quit and he openly admits he is an addict, I actually thought he was doing OK again, he is still texting me and always tells me he loves me and that he’s OK and that he really is doing it this time but he needs to do it alone.. Ultimately I love him to pieces as we all do our children and I guess time will tell .
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February 6, 2019 at 5:10 pm #11181danman83Participant
Selling that shit does not work..1 reason..if u have sell u have it all. My mate who sold it.. was having 800quid a week of it!
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February 6, 2019 at 10:28 pm #11184dnanonParticipant
Hoping you are still doing good – working and staying clean. Just checking in with you and reminding you to stay strong.
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February 7, 2019 at 2:05 am #11185danman83Participant
Thanks DNAnon i really appreciate it. Yes im doing really good. Ive started reading books now to take my mind off it. Im 35 and ive only read books at school. So this is big change for me lol
But im reading stephen kings revival.. and im glued to it! So its helping me a lot.. thanks
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February 5, 2019 at 5:32 pm #11150popplesParticipant
Hi Danman I’m new on here. Well done for your 5 weeks free of coke. It’s great that you are enjoying your life too as for Ikea.. that place would be enough to start most folk off on an addiction Lao. I dont know your story so how have you managed to kick this so far x
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February 5, 2019 at 6:05 pm #11152danman83Participant
Popples ive explained it all on the post you made.. i think you havent looked yet.. its very long so ill let u look on there because i cba typing it out again haha
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February 5, 2019 at 6:25 pm #11156danman83Participant
Hey poppy.. i wasnt being rude i just thought i answered you on your other post but it was something different lol
Anyway.. ive been clean 5 and half week. Ive got 4 kids a gf.. a good job in the bank. Ive used for 8 to 10 year. Last couple of year got a bit bad. I only used every couple of week. On fridays. Sometimes every friday.. sometimes once a month
New years was the last straw.. my gf said i have it again shes kiking me out!
To stop this and i still need to do it..
Im admitted im addicted.. i want help.. i text my mum coming down of coke crying my eyes out asking for help. I felt ashamed and embarrassed.
Next you have to change your life around. Ive started reading books.. im on stephen king at the mo. And i never have wanted to read! And im loving it.. i have deleted everyone to do with coke out my phone! Ive deleted facebook! Im doing more games with the kids. And the main thing is no alcohol.it triggers it bigtime! Ive bought a few.books on addiction.. russell brands is a good 1..
I feel a lot better , its gonna be hard. But i feel great now. Ive felt a bit shitty last few days but i know i have to do this.
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February 5, 2019 at 6:09 pm #11153popplesParticipant
Ah OK sorry. I missed that.
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February 5, 2019 at 6:11 pm #11154danman83Participant
Popples its a different answer giz 1 min… sorry ..
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February 5, 2019 at 6:34 pm #11158popplesParticipant
Ah that’s great to hear. It sounds like you have a lot of positive stuff to live for. I showed my boy friend my post today. We split up at Christmas. He says he really wants to get his life back and he went to our local addiction centre today. I’m just getting on with my life now and supporting him from afar. I know it’s a tough road ahead and it’s down to how much you really want it. That suicidal come down sounds horrific. Really hope you keep on fighting this xx
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February 5, 2019 at 8:22 pm #11162danman83Participant
Thank you x and yes.. them come downs are awful.. but its all to do with your dopamine in your brain. If you know what they are?
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February 7, 2019 at 7:47 am #11187jennifer68Participant
Hi Dan sorry late reply thankyou for your number so kind ! I do have one close friend who I comvide in but gets to point where you become obsessed talking about same thing and everyone has their own lives I actually get sick of talking about him myself so must annoy others ! I have come to conclusion I have to be strong and pull myself together ( well that’s today’s mind set tomorrow will probably be a wailing mess again lol ) I used to be a strong person but not anymore maybe menopause but that’s another chat site haha and as for my son and his dads death well who knows you’d think that knowing what drink and drugs do to people’s lives and the knock on affect to families would of made my son be against drugs but who knows he was a baby so has no memories of his father , I do believe some people have addictive personalities and as a child he was always obsessed with something unfortunately he didn’t get obsessed with something positive , and also want to thank DNAnon so comforting to know you know how I am feeling I do try keep myself busy with other stuff have just left my job as it all got too much I was a mess at work and it was affecting my work and my mental health but I will get myself back in work plus I have to I have no money now ! Bills are stacking up but at this point in time I just can’t need to get my head right bloody nightmare ! But there’s always people in worse situation than me I have to stay positive it’s just all very sad I have lost so much because of him I have had to sell most of my stuff to fund the debts he’s run up but there’s no more money coming in and nothing else to sell so maybe this will be what makes him sit up and realise enough is enough who knows anyway best wishes to everyone on here dealing with this shit and it is absolute shit . P.s Dan I love a day at IKEA ????
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February 7, 2019 at 9:41 am #11190jennifer68Participant
Did not mean to put question marks at end of that can’t find my glasses
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February 7, 2019 at 10:17 am #11191georgia26Participant
oh my god Jennifer without a doubt its definitely to do with addictive personalities.. my other half when i met him I thought wow you really do get obsessive on things so easy, whether it be gym, coffee, smoking – there always had to be something… his dad was also an alcoholic and he died from it, so he knows what drugs/alcohol causes, i think its passed down – its baffling.
I find addiction so hard to understand, I try and relate – but I just cant I have always been the take it or leave it type you know.
Bless you, i hate drugs, they ruin everything. People just dont realise until its too late. I have friends that do it for fun and i just think wow you really dont realise the risk youre putting yourself under long term – ive had to bin those friends now, as I dont want anything to do with it.
You must always put yourself first, i know he is family.. but your mental health is important too.
I feel the same too, I dont speak to anyone about it anymore – because they dont understand at all and they make stupid comments about it, i would rather come on here and speak to people who truly understand. My mum is so judgemental on the subject she tells me to run a mile, not that easy though when we live together.
Mines gone 4 weeks now, not relapsed – hes having counselling once a week – its expensive.. but so far seems positive. He was relapsing sniffing like every 2 weeks – dont help that his friends are all idiots that offer it to him. So hes cut them off too.
I just live in fear thats the problem, waiting for another relapse – have to avoid going out drinking etc, dont really see my friends.
Ah I dont know, I am staying strong and positive at the moment. He really wants it and this is the last chance really for me, i cant keep going through this. I want to start my own family. Life is on hold atm.
Reading some of these stories on here truly terrifies me…. as i worry he will get treatment, give up, recover and then years down the line bam 1 line and its all back to square one……………….
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February 7, 2019 at 2:46 pm #11197danman83Participant
Hey georgia.. so has your bf cut his mates off now? Fair played to him if he has..
But i know what you mean now. You want to start a family and worried he might relapse again.
Ive been thinking same that i prob cant go out ever again in pubs in bton.. every one is sniffing in every toilet you go in!
So i have to accept i cant go in them. Even if i tell my self im ok.
My heads up my ass with it all. My gf going out while im in the house reading a book 🙁
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February 7, 2019 at 2:39 pm #11196danman83Participant
Hope your ok jennifer, i wouldnt of sold anything. I know its harsh may be a beating might of made him come to some sence.. i seen what ive done to my mum. She said shes struggled sleeping some nights. She said she doesnt want to bury me before her
And ive not got in to debt with it or that. And im 6 week clean tommorow.
You really do need think of yourself. Just try and relax i know its hard. Im sure you said he was aggressive?? Is he still? Or was it some 1 else?..
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February 8, 2019 at 6:47 am #11205jennifer68Participant
Hi georgia feel sad that you have to live with the worry that your boyfriend will do it again I try to believe people can change and to give people second chance but when it’s the twentieth time you begin to lose your trust in people as a mum you can’t give up but not sure I’d do same if it was a partner just glad you haven’t kids yet as it would be too much to deal with hopefully this will be it your boyfriend will stay off it and there are hundreds of people who can just do coke once a month on a night out and be fine apparently! It’s part of a night out on town for so many people but for those who can’t its horrendous the consequences are life changing I do believe it’s some people are just addictive people my son being one of them . Just keep talking on here no one to judge you or make you feel bad , I am thinking of my own sanity now I have to good luck I hope your have stress free nice weekend
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February 8, 2019 at 4:46 pm #11212icarus-trustParticipant
Hi Jennifer,
If you would like anyone else to talk to please contact us at The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that supports people affected by a partner or family member’s addiction.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
All the best.
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