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I would like to say a big thank thank you to, jan, vox,sae1996, georgia26. And jennifer. If i have missed anyone out you aswell. I think i may have spelt some names wrong lol.
Any way ladies, thank you very much for your kind words. I cant thank you enough. And it really does help me a great deal. If i ever see you around bolton ill buy you all a drink haha.
Have a great weekend and go and have some fun for a change x
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Well done Danman.
Keep strong.
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Absolutely brilliant Danman. As I have said before just you keep an eye out for that little devil, especially if you have a drink. Speaking of which you could very easily bump into me in Bolton, but not at night as I am not that brave!!
My son is still not responding to me and I have decided to follow the advice and leave him alone to see if he will get in touch. He responded to my hubby to say to stop talking about ‘drugs’ or he will stop texting him. He also said he is going away for a week. I have tried to ask his gf how she would feel if her son didn’t want to see or speak to her for no reason but have not had a reply.
You have a good weekend too. Continue moving on and upwards x
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Your doing amazing you stay strong and thankyou for all the help you have given me and so many other people on here haven’t shared this but I lost my husband to drink and drugs many years ago he was 31 years old my kids were brought up without a father because of addiction and stupidity now I am watching my son go through this, life is precious enjoy every minute in a safe happy way please x
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Keep up the good work, you are doing brilliantly and helping a lot of us on your journey.
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Hi Dan yes my husband passed away , and my son seems to be going down hill again we have few days when I have hope then it starts again it’s alcohol mainly now and pills whatever he can get hold of coke if he manages to sell something or convince someone to share I think but anything to get out off his head his behaviour is irrational and he’s mainly angry I get the brunt of it as I am only one here think I have given up find myself wandering streets stupid times of day and night just to get out house I have so many friends but don’t want them to know the true situation at home , I know I should make him leave but can’t do it he has no money no job doesn’t sign on properly no friends left just few others like him but they aren’t friends think he’s stealing I cannot risk him dying if I kick him out sounds extreme but can’t lose someone else to drugs and alcohol he’s my child ! I am under the doctor myself now he’s given me helpline numbers but he needs to want to stop maybe some people just don’t ?? He seems to like this lifestyle he has no morals anymore everything I brought him up to be he isn’t anymore it’s just sad and horrible. You are a strong man and obviously want to get better and clean from drugs my son doesn’t
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Hi Jennifer, I really feel for you as you can see in my previous posts I am in a similar situation to you with my son but he no longer lives with us. Fortunately I have my husband and we do have each other to share our pain and thoughts with and take our anger out on. I really think you need someone you can talk to and share with in addition to on here. Is there one friend who you think you can trust? Other than that you need to do something for yourself i.e. A hobby, meeting up with friends – just to take your mind of things for a short time. Have you got other family you can see? Like my son yours doesn’t seem to want to stop so I have realised it’s not much use offering support. Hope this helps and that you get some advice and support from an expert. You take care x
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Hi Danman, sorry to digress on your post. I have a question for you. My son has text myself and my husband today to say that he is off today and that he will be having no contact with the outside world till it’s over. Any idea what he might be doing? He did text my hubby the other day to say he will be away for a week but that it was nothing to do with drugs. He said his gf will be in the same place but not to text her as she won’t be able to text about it. Again any ideas?
With regard to yourself your mum must be so chuffed with you. Your gf and kids have got there husband and dad back. Enjoy a ‘normal’ weekend and you keep up the good work x
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He text us at 7.30 am this morning. He said his gf will be in the same place but don’t send messages because she won’t be able to talk about it. We can’t check on him because he lives in a flat and when we press the buzzer he just doesn’t answer. In his previous text he said he would be away for a week but from your experience it takes a month to detox. I dread to ask what it could be that you don’t want to say. Me and my husband keep thinking he may be in hospital or something. We have been through various scenarios but it’s just that the previous text he sent to my hubby said nothing to do with drugs. So worried but will just have to wait. I start a new job next week and need to focus on that.
You are definitely getting back to normal if you can spend the day at IKEA, ha ha. At least I can still laugh!
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Really appreciate your comments from someone who I feel has been in a similar situation to my son. It just worries me that he doesn’t want our support despite us always being there in the past for him. His previous and present partners have both said that he has ‘issues’ but when we have asked they don’t give us any other info. I would like to know what the other thing you were thinking it could be. Thanks for the suggestions. I have another son who is 3 yrs older, separated, new partner, 5 yr old son. He has had to take a back seat but knows the score. We see him either once, twice a week. My other son lives in the same area but even when he was with his family we hardly saw him. We would invite him to sunday dinner, summer barbeques but he would always have a reason why he was busy. We also see his kids as they are our granc children. So hard when they ask have you seen daddy, especially the 10 yr old, as she knows about the drugs. It heartbreaking and we really struggle at times with what to say.
Anyway are you off to Sunday mass tomorrow or is that a step too far x. Perhaps a little prayer to say thanks and I’m doing ok.
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Are you enjoying the normal stuff nowadays? Like the Ikea day and relaxing with the family?
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No I don’t think it’s that either. You too x
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That’s brilliant. You know about the alcohol and knowledge is good.
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@danman83 Hi! I haven’t been on here for a little while, but WELL DONE. You have absolutely smashed it! 😀
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Hahaaaaa,
Yep, things have been good since I was last on here. I have been checking up on here but just haven’t posted 🙂
How are you?
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Dan, well done.. seriously what youre doing is amazing you should be proud of yourself mate. Hope youre all well and things are a bit better for you all. My BF has been having addicton counselling treatment and it seems to be working for now. Although I wont get my hopes up, as it seems that when i do it smacked me in the gut!! Love to you all xxxx
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Yeah I deffo learnt the hard way, I know not to start now – i just praise him. Its been about 3-4 weeks, remember that wednesday night he randomly did it after having an anxiety meltdown, hes paying £60PH to see this counsellor every wednesday and he said its working, i find it hard to not get anxious about it though.
In reply to your post, I dont know if youd be able to drink again -its weird it sorta goes hand in hand dont it – as soon as you have a drink youll want coke, its hard as its everywhere, its the devils dandruff i call it..
I used to do it on the occasion and i never saw the big deal over it, it just made me bite my nails haha
My bf self medicated his anxiety with drink & drugs when his X mrs went off with his kids with his brother, its all very mental and twisted no wonder hes got issues.
see i am ok about it at the moment, but some days i just sense that hes going to relapse and he keeps talking about havings kids etc but i am scared i will commit myself and i will be let down again..
xx
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Hi Danman,
I am new on here, my son has been using cocaine since he was 16 but I think truly addicted since he was 19, he is now 24. I just wondered, how much cocaine would you be using if you were spending £500 a week? is that even possible or do you think I am not facing up to the fact that my son could be doing other drugs? He has been through rehab and was clean for about 5 months and then I just don’t know why or what happened but here we are again, the only difference at the moment is that he is holding down a job… I have absolutely been his enabler and paid so many debts off I had to re-mortgage.. I just don’t get it, I have tried, we have been to family therapy, it was bloody tough and heart breaking, I have stood by him through everything andafter he stole from me again this weekend I said No more, enough now, you are on your own. Except now I feel guilty, will he used more because I have rejected him, will he hate me forever. He was given a council flat last autumn so at the moment I am safe in the knowledge that for now at least he has a roof over his head… He would rung me up to 10 times a day but now I haven’t spoken to him since Saturday and it’s killing me.
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Hi rlg21… £500 on cocaine is 100% doable, cocaine is so so expensive. I know people who have had £1000 a week habit..
bless your heart, if he wants to change he needs to go to the doctors and get help ASAP.
xx
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Thank you georgia26 , I do think he wants to fight it, he cries and hates that it has taken over his life BUT he usually says this when he needs money, I do believe that he wants to stop and I know from all of these stories how incredibly hard that is, I have been to meetings with him (on his request) and met his sponsor but I think the Cocaine pull is just too much for him. He has had several seizures, he has a hole in his septum and he is asthmatic. He is so skinny I just hate to see my boy in this place, I have no idea how he holds down his job!
My ex husband is a gambling addict and that is a whole different story but the result is that I am on my own dealing with this too.
I wish a cure could be created to stop addiction… stay strong Georgia26 xx
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Hi, I have posted before about my son’s addiction which is similar to your son. I will try to summarise. He is 32 and been addicted to cocaine for approx 10 years. He has 2 failed relationships and one child with each. Over the past 2 years he has become worse. He no longer works. We recently helped him sell his house before it got repossessed. He received a large amount of money from the house in November 18. Since then we have not seen my son and he does not answer is phone and rarely responds to any texts. He has also not seen his kids since then but has said he missed them. He lives with his gf in a flat and we can’t get access as the door is coded. We have been in contact with his gf but she gives us very little info. I have been at my wits end worried about his health and what he looks like. Last week he text my husband to say he is going away for a week, no contact with the outside world until it’s all over. We have been thinking all sorts about what he meant. I have been texting his gf to ask if he is ok and she replied that he is ok, nothing else. Despite all our offers of support he has refused our help. I just wish he would let us help him. Like yourself we are desperate and hope he will try to stop.
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I feel your pain DNAnon. Wouldn’t it be wonderful If he is in rehab and will see you once he is clean… I hope and pray that that is what he means xx
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Thanks for your thoughts and prayers xx. You keep the communication with your son going and keep encouraging him. Hopefully he will take the right steps to get himself clean. In my texts I told my son I loved him and wanted him back but he never responded.
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Oh and Danman, be proud, you have been incredibly brave and strong, now embrace your beautiful family and enjoy 🙂
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I think he was buying in bulk and trying to pay for his own addiction by selling, unfortunately he never has enough to pay the dealers because he has used too much himself.
He does want to quit and he openly admits he is an addict, I actually thought he was doing OK again, he is still texting me and always tells me he loves me and that he’s OK and that he really is doing it this time but he needs to do it alone.. Ultimately I love him to pieces as we all do our children and I guess time will tell .
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Hoping you are still doing good – working and staying clean. Just checking in with you and reminding you to stay strong.
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Hi Danman I’m new on here. Well done for your 5 weeks free of coke. It’s great that you are enjoying your life too as for Ikea.. that place would be enough to start most folk off on an addiction Lao. I dont know your story so how have you managed to kick this so far x
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Ah OK sorry. I missed that.
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Ah that’s great to hear. It sounds like you have a lot of positive stuff to live for. I showed my boy friend my post today. We split up at Christmas. He says he really wants to get his life back and he went to our local addiction centre today. I’m just getting on with my life now and supporting him from afar. I know it’s a tough road ahead and it’s down to how much you really want it. That suicidal come down sounds horrific. Really hope you keep on fighting this xx
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Hi Dan sorry late reply thankyou for your number so kind ! I do have one close friend who I comvide in but gets to point where you become obsessed talking about same thing and everyone has their own lives I actually get sick of talking about him myself so must annoy others ! I have come to conclusion I have to be strong and pull myself together ( well that’s today’s mind set tomorrow will probably be a wailing mess again lol ) I used to be a strong person but not anymore maybe menopause but that’s another chat site haha and as for my son and his dads death well who knows you’d think that knowing what drink and drugs do to people’s lives and the knock on affect to families would of made my son be against drugs but who knows he was a baby so has no memories of his father , I do believe some people have addictive personalities and as a child he was always obsessed with something unfortunately he didn’t get obsessed with something positive , and also want to thank DNAnon so comforting to know you know how I am feeling I do try keep myself busy with other stuff have just left my job as it all got too much I was a mess at work and it was affecting my work and my mental health but I will get myself back in work plus I have to I have no money now ! Bills are stacking up but at this point in time I just can’t need to get my head right bloody nightmare ! But there’s always people in worse situation than me I have to stay positive it’s just all very sad I have lost so much because of him I have had to sell most of my stuff to fund the debts he’s run up but there’s no more money coming in and nothing else to sell so maybe this will be what makes him sit up and realise enough is enough who knows anyway best wishes to everyone on here dealing with this shit and it is absolute shit . P.s Dan I love a day at IKEA ????
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Did not mean to put question marks at end of that can’t find my glasses
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oh my god Jennifer without a doubt its definitely to do with addictive personalities.. my other half when i met him I thought wow you really do get obsessive on things so easy, whether it be gym, coffee, smoking – there always had to be something… his dad was also an alcoholic and he died from it, so he knows what drugs/alcohol causes, i think its passed down – its baffling.
I find addiction so hard to understand, I try and relate – but I just cant I have always been the take it or leave it type you know.
Bless you, i hate drugs, they ruin everything. People just dont realise until its too late. I have friends that do it for fun and i just think wow you really dont realise the risk youre putting yourself under long term – ive had to bin those friends now, as I dont want anything to do with it.
You must always put yourself first, i know he is family.. but your mental health is important too.
I feel the same too, I dont speak to anyone about it anymore – because they dont understand at all and they make stupid comments about it, i would rather come on here and speak to people who truly understand. My mum is so judgemental on the subject she tells me to run a mile, not that easy though when we live together.
Mines gone 4 weeks now, not relapsed – hes having counselling once a week – its expensive.. but so far seems positive. He was relapsing sniffing like every 2 weeks – dont help that his friends are all idiots that offer it to him. So hes cut them off too.
I just live in fear thats the problem, waiting for another relapse – have to avoid going out drinking etc, dont really see my friends.
Ah I dont know, I am staying strong and positive at the moment. He really wants it and this is the last chance really for me, i cant keep going through this. I want to start my own family. Life is on hold atm.
Reading some of these stories on here truly terrifies me…. as i worry he will get treatment, give up, recover and then years down the line bam 1 line and its all back to square one……………….
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Hi georgia feel sad that you have to live with the worry that your boyfriend will do it again I try to believe people can change and to give people second chance but when it’s the twentieth time you begin to lose your trust in people as a mum you can’t give up but not sure I’d do same if it was a partner just glad you haven’t kids yet as it would be too much to deal with hopefully this will be it your boyfriend will stay off it and there are hundreds of people who can just do coke once a month on a night out and be fine apparently! It’s part of a night out on town for so many people but for those who can’t its horrendous the consequences are life changing I do believe it’s some people are just addictive people my son being one of them . Just keep talking on here no one to judge you or make you feel bad , I am thinking of my own sanity now I have to good luck I hope your have stress free nice weekend
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Hi Jennifer,
If you would like anyone else to talk to please contact us at The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that supports people affected by a partner or family member’s addiction.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
All the best.
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