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I won’t go into the whole story as it’s probably a repeat of the majority of the posts on here.
<p style=”text-align: left;”>I found out my partner is a cocaine addict over a month ago after he got arrested driving under the influence and it was the biggest shock of my life. He has been hiding it the entire relationship. 4.5 years. We have a house and kids.</p>
<p style=”text-align: left;”>last week I decided to separate from him as I was dying in this house in my own grief. I came to the conclusion that if he does not go through this heartbreak, the pain I’ve felt over the loss of our relationship and he doesn’t truly heal and forgive himself for ruining the family etc then he won’t truly be able to survive this. I needed my own space and healing away from his recovery, and the more I was trying with him the more resentment etc I felt it was ultimately doomed to fail. So we have made the decision to separate to essentially save the relationship for the future, and we both have our own paths now to find our healing. although neither of us wanted to separate . It’s honestly been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.</p>
Its so so lonely in this house and my heart is broken. can anuonenn be offer any words of advice or even a positive story of him making it though this. I am a past addict myself (not cocaine) and I have been on a good place for years. A success story would be nice because I need hope. I need to know that this is salvageable. -
Hi Lielacat,
I’ve also had to separate from my partner due to him having slipped back into his cocaine addiction over the last year. I don’t know if it counts as a success story anymore, but when we first met in 2017 he had a huge cocaine addiction, with a much bigger usage than now, and I left him and never looked back for a year. He got himself sorted out on his own, and we got back together eventually and had 3 great years together. It is possible to recover but he needs to know what he’s lost and what he will lose if he continues to do what he does.
Unfortunately my partner started falling off the wagon last year when he started working closely with someone with a habit and he made excuses to himself for taking it – stress at work, unhappiness at home with my teenage daughter acting out, etc., and he’s ended up losing everything once again, including his job. He’s doing really well, at meetings every day, he’s brighter, happier already and it’s only been just over a month. He desperately wants to get back home but this time is for both of us to heal and we can’t do that while acting like nothing has happened.
It is possible for him to get better and for you to be happy again, but at the same time you are in a relationship with an addict and that threat is always there, that’s what I’ve realised. Over time mines forgot about his addiction, he didn’t prioritise his sobriety, and he slipped back into his old ways. If we are to survive this that can’t ever happen again.
I don’t know if this helps or is more of a gentle warning that while you can have a great relationship with an addict after their recovery, neither of you can ever forget about the addiction as there’s always that risk. I wish I could say otherwise.
Good luck to you and wishing your man a successful recovery x
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