[directionless]

I first found the Adfam forums when I was at my lowest point dealing with my husband’s alcoholism.

Having been in denial for many years he’d finally sought help, but having been to rehab twice, started therapy, been going to meetings as well as taking medication, he was still going through a cycle of being sober for a while, then relapsing. He would be ‘OK’ for months at a time, giving me the chance to relax a little, then all of a sudden it would hit hard again.

Well, I’m so happy to say that the last time this happened was in January 2020 – early this year he ticked off 1 year sober for the first time since he was a teenager and is still going strong.

For us, being in lockdown last year gave him the chance to do some healing and reflect on personal boundaries he needed to set with his family (his main trigger), so that he could focus on his sobriety. He still goes to regular meetings and therapy sessions, and has built a good support network around him. I know that the path is never a straight one, but I’m cautiously optimistic and I’m very proud of where he’s been able to get to over the past year and a half.

I hope that this gives someone out there some comfort that recovery is possible, even after a few false starts. I’ll update again in another year’s time – fingers crossed it’s all the same story then.

[lindyloo]

Hi directionless,

Thank you for sharing your story, it gives us all hope. Whether we are mums, dads, sisters or children of addicts.

I wish you both a happy healthy future.

Lx

[icarus-trust]

Thanks for sharing. So glad to read your positive story.

[nick111]

That is great news. Thank you for sharing. May I ask if his behaviour in recovery is still challenging? I met my partner when she was 1 year sober and almost a year on, there are challenges (as in any relationship) from what I see as real mood swings and changes dramatically in her personality and what she communicates/seems to feel. I am trying to understand if this is part of a pattern in recovering addicts, or just the way she is? Thanks.

[directionless]

In my personal experience, no I’m not seeing that. The main thing I’ve noticed is that he is becoming more assertive and better at setting boundaries, which is no bad thing although surprising at times given his general tendency in the past to bottle things up and retreat into drinking rather than confronting issues. His meetings and therapy have really helped him work things through and get to a better place. Having that support means he is starting to be able to articulate how he’s feeling and have adult conversations about it. We’ve also had couples counselling together, which I don’t think I mentioned before but again, really helpful.

I can understand where you’re coming from – it can be a real struggle for us as partners to unpick what’s ‘addict’ versus ‘normal’ behaviour caused by other things like work, home life, other health issues or even hormones (a big factor for women I would say). I remember I found it particularly difficult to relax and not be constantly wondering if he was being honest after having been gaslit by him for so many years about his drinking. It’s taken a good few years for me to work through it and there’s still work to be done.

[lilgunner]

It’s been so comforting to read your post.

My friend is currently in rehab and over 2 months clean from cocaine and alcohol.

It’s crazy the situation I found myself in with him, I still have sad days but I myself am practicing self-care and meditating when I feel low in mood.

Your story has made me hopeful that when he comes out of rehab he will continue on his journey of recovery and remains clean.

I really have a lot of love for my friend, he’s come to mean so much to me, but there’s times when I struggle to communicate with him. Since he’s been in rehab I decided not to initiate contact, but he has been in contact on a few occasions letting me know how he is and sent me photos, to which Ive told him how proud I am of him.

He looks so much better in his facial appearance.

[directionless]

I’m glad it helped you and I hope that your friend does continue to recover. It is amazing how physical appearance can change when someone’s taking better care of him/herself isn’t it! I definitely noticed this too.

Just a thought on rehab – I really thought that when my husband went to rehab he would come out ‘fixed’, but I learnt the hard way that recovery isn’t a straight road and there might still be relapses even afterwards. That doesn’t mean that rehab isn’t useful, or that the person will never get sober, but it isn’t a magic fix (especially if the person won’t accept there’s a problem or put the work in). It sounds like you are being optimistic and supportive, but not unrealistic, which is definitely a good way to approach things.

[lilgunner]

I understand what you mean about rehab… the biggest test will be when he leaves, hopefully everything he has learnt and gained in the last couple of months helps him to stick to a healthy routine. One thing I know, is when someone is in recovery they’re in it for the rest of their lives.

I hope he can avoid all the triggers that once made him use, can spot the signs and avoid them at all costs.

I love speaking to him, but I’m mindful he needs to find his feet.

[Author]

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