[annie39]

It’s been a year since we lost my sister. She was 43. It’s hard to remember when it all began, she was so good at hiding things in the beginning. Her husband believes it was untreated post natal depression that triggered her drinking and the journey she took. At first I noticed little things, spending money on things she couldn’t afford and trouble at home, the problem was I lived too far away to see the issues with my own eyes. Things soon began to escalate, she would have injuries that she put down to a medical condition that was unexplained that we were all worried sick about. What they were in reality were the result of drunken falls. Then she started taking over the counter drugs, codeine, night nurse. Careful to travel between pharmacies so they didn’t get suspicious. That’s when things began to spiral and her husband asked her to leave. It was only speaking to her children afterwards that I realised the awful things they had witnessed. Living alone only made things worse, we all tried to help as a family, she would steal anything we had, tell people stories that I am too embarrassed to even mention when she was under the influence. People would say things to my mother in the street and she would have to correct them. But we loved her and wanted her to get better, we tried groups and counselling. Every time we thought she had turned a corner something would happen. She was forever ‘losing ‘ her bank card or having her purse or phone ‘stolen’. We realised quickly this was just another way to get money. But she was my sister, my beautiful, loving, intelligent sister, and she was ill, but others struggled to see that. She would call me at work several times a day with amazing stories, some would make me panic and I would call her support worker or the local police to find she was fine. I became exhausted, my family became exhausted. And my biggest regret was deciding not to answer the phone one day at work. I was mid a busy hospital shift and I couldn’t face it so I declined the call. She sent me a text message straight afterwards saying she loved me, which she did many times. In my head I justified my decision not to answer with that text because she was probably ok. The police found her the next morning. Her boyfriend had phoned them when she didn’t answer the door. She had died on her sofa that night. And now there is just a huge mess. My brother barely speaks to anyone, my mum is trying to cope with losing her daughter and I keep reliving my decision not to answer the phone. I’m grieving for the loss of my sister, I’m grieving for the loss of my family who were once so close and happy. I feel like I have packaged everything into a box inside my head and just take a little bit at a time out to deal with. Where do you start with putting everything back together?

[cal9968]

Dearest Annie

Firstly, I am so sorry about the loss of your dear sister. You probably know more than most how addiction takes over and controls the addicts life and also, their loved ones. There is nothing we can do to make them stop and it has to come from them. Once in the grip of active addiction they don’t want to change or stop.

Have YOU had some support? Someone to talk to. Do you think this would’ve something that may help you?

If we had hindsight we would answer the calls, the messages but we don’t and that is painful. I am sure you did everything and more for your sister and now you are left with the pain of her lose.

Cruse is amazing helping with Bereavement. Have you considered contacting them?

Message me if I can help just even for a chat.

You are not alone I promise.

Sending you much love.

Caroline xx

[icarus-trust]

Hi Annie,

I am so sorry to read your very sad post and really feel for you. The loss of your sister and the affect it has had on your family must be so hard to deal with. If you think it would be helpful for you to get some support for yourself please contact The Icarus Trust.

We are a charity that provides support for people who are affected by a loved one’s addictions, like yourself. We have trained and experienced people who you could talk to and that might help to to make some sense of what you are feelingand see a way forward.

You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org

I really hope that you find this helpful.

All the best,

The Icarus Trust

[Author]

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