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Hello, Been with my husband 11 years. Married last year. I am a pre-professional student to be a dentist. When I started the program last year, everyone emphasized how much support I would need at home.
Well instead of providing support and a stable home he fell into a year long depression. I also was in a depression for most of that year. The depression is gone. I coped through it in my own way (through self therapy and hobbies) and his coping lead to smoking weed, nicotine, randomly going on coke and ecstasy binges. Now he’s talking about “self-medicating” with meth. He just keeping saying things that don’t make sense and forgets every conversation we have. He doesn’t see the problem at all and for 3-4 months just keeps telling me that this is temporary and he’s going to stop.
He doesn’t sleep with me because he’s masterbating all night long on his drug binges. He doesn’t do any chores, no errands, and doesn’t go out with me anymore. No support for me whatsoever. I can’t miss school (which is everyday 8-5, excluding studying time) , and it can hardly distract me. I break out into tears constantly.
He says how much he loves me and a lot of positive things about us and our future, but he so F***ked up all the time.
We don’t have any kids ( I was waiting till we got married), but it still just seems like a pipe dream. We moved across the country so I could go to school and I am so alone that it is a nightmare.
In regards to midlife crisis, I keep reading things that say that I should focus on myself and wait for this to blow over. I am trying not to be angry and calm. He keeps asking me to be chill and that he is in control and going to stop soon. The lies just seem to keep building.
and the crazy thing is, I feel like I could totally make it through him cheating and doing weird things in that regards, but the drugs really scare me. The fact that he has stopped before doesn’t give me confidence in quitting again.
I just have so many questions on what i should and shouldn’t be doing…
Do i disconnect completely?
Do I continue to maintain the household ?
While he’s on the drugs, should I cut him off from all affection and sex?
How about off the drugs?
Should I stop telling him how I’m feeling about this and about my fears in this regards?
Should I intervene in his acquisition of the drugs, or will that make it worse??
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Hi there.
Basically ask yourself are you happy? Is his behaviour having a negative effect on you? Do you realistically see yourself having children with this person? Because the way he is now may be the way he will be forever.
I know it’s a lot to take in but you need to set some boundaries. Maybe research realistic ones, whatever you set make sure you follow them through though, otherwise he won’t take you seriously and you’ll end up feeling worse.
You need to seek help for yourself. You need to break away from the cycle to see what you actually want. You sound like you’ve got used to putting up with his behaviour and are now just turning a blind eye to it!
The life you want to live is out there but it has to start with changes made by you.
Someone once said to me “ your husband might be acting insane due to drugs, but you are the sane one and you need to do what’s best for you”.
Look for al anon or drug support groups in your area, they will help to give you the strength to do what’s best for you! Xx
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