[ikarus]

I just need some sort of verification that I’m not alone. He is so sweet when he isn’t drinking. Last night in a fit he threatened to harm himself with a pair of scissors. I took this morning off work and missed out on about 200$ that was VERY needed in our budget… To make sure that he doesn’t harm himself.

I can’t call an ambulance or anything else for him because he isn’t supposed to be drinking at all, and it can cause him severe legal issues.

I love him so much but this is the first partner I’ve ever had who is verbally abusive to me. He makes me feel stupid and calls me names, and makes everything seem like my fault. I always somehow am “hurting him”. He gets drunk and doesn’t make sense and then blames me for being unable to communicate.

I don’t want to tell anyone around me because I don’t want to lose him… But I’m beginning to feel hopeless.

For 4 full hours until midnight last night he yelled at me, spoke to me like I’m a moron, even called me a c*nt.

He has been physical before like grabbing my head by my hair once, and once pushing me into a door, after holding me by a bandana I had been wearing around my neck.

Last night almost got there when I tried to take the scissors away.

He’s in therapy but not addiction support. He thinks this isn’t a problem.

I need help… But moreso, I need to feel like I’m not worthless and a failure anymore. 🙁

[careaboutyou]

So sorry to hear of your suffering……..I understand your situation only too well. I was married to an alcoholic ( who is the father of my Son ), we were together for 5 years, over which he got progressively worse. I eventually had to take my child away for his and my own safety and well being. My husband died of alcoholic poisoning in 2012…10 years ago now.

Anyhow….this is not about me…..I just want you to understand that I have been where you are now….and I know there is little to no help out there for the partners, family who are next to an addict and dealing with them on a daily basis.

You have to understand that how your partner is behaving is typical of an alcoholic…………….It’s essential for them to suck the energy out of someone else to survive. You are the person to blame, to abuse, to push around. The alcoholic feels worthless…………….it’s not you!!!!! You are the sane normal one….I know it’s like living in the eye of the storm. I feel so…bad for you.

I recognise what you say about….you stayed off work to help him…..I had this….I also had a child that I couldn’t leave with him. No doubt he’s keeping you up all night as well.

You must wake up and recognise that this is not love ( they call it that…but it’s not love… to destroy you ). You also are protecting him, because no one can know….

you must also get over this and tell people that you trust. Never mind if it’s going to cause him problems, legal issues?! Without you he’d soon have to face the consequences! It’s his problem, his behaviour….it’s his shame….not yours!

You must get the strength to leave and get away from this toxic relationship. For your own health and sanity. You don’t mention children…so it’s easier to get away.

Please understand that this is what they do……he’s holding you there….like a prisoner. Break free….so that you can live a normal life in the future with someone who isn’t an addict.

He is controlling your life….you can’t reason with a drunk. He does have a drink problem….which progresses into full blown alcoholism eventually. My husband also threatened to kill himself….

Please tell me that you can make a plan to leave. Routing for you…

[careaboutyou]

I’ve sent you a long message, but I put lots of full stops in it, and I think that they are checking first before you can see it. Just wanted to let you know this, as you’re not alone.

[laylab1]

Hi. Do you have any family support to you turn to?

You say you don’t want to lose him but it’s not ok to be mentally, emotionally and physically abused.

I understand that you love him, and he “probably” does too deep down but at the moment he is not himself and person doesn’t choke and hit and call someone names if they love them. So until he is clean again and sort himself out you need to take a step back and have him choose his alcohol or you. But can’t be both, or you will live like this for many more years to come, and then one day look back and say where have the years go, what did I do to myself. I don’t deserve this. Your mental health will suffer and you will make your self sick and worse.

So you need to think about yourself first and take care you YOU! because he is obviously taking care of himself and not worried how you feel.

Good luck.

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