[confusedmum]

Hi, a question, what do I say to my daughter when she asks me for money to buy drugs, apart from no. She has been begging me all day and threatening to sell her belongings saying she won’t need drugs tomorrow and it’s just to get her through today. All day this has been going on, it has got me to the point of phoning help lines and trying to get help for me.

She’s had many, many years of hard drug taking so I suppose her body is craving them now, especially with her anxiety and health problems, much of which has been brought on by using drugs in the first place.

[icarus-trust]

Hello,

Thanks for sharing your post. If you would like some answers to your questions please contact us at Icarus Trust as we are a charity that supports people dealing with addiction in their family. May be talking with one of our trained and experienced Family Friends will help and they will tell you what other help is available.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

Good luck.

[lindyloo]

Hi Confused mum

Welcome to the forum. Everyone here has a loved one who has addictions and also some people in recovery offering support and advice.

I wish I had all the answers, I can only sympathise with you as the mum of an adult son with alcohol and cocaine addictions.

I know it’s a very stressful position to be in, every situation is different and needs a different way to handle it. I notice Icarus trust has replied to you, also Drugfam has helped others here.

In the meantime , try and look after yourself and your well being.

It’s hard to support someone unless they start admitting they have a problem and wish to seek support.

My son is currently in early recovery and doing okay. He joined AA and CA groups, for him it’s the only thing that works. It’s such a battle for them every day. Let her know you love her but hate what addiction is doing to her and how it’s affecting the family.

Stay strong

Lx ❤

[Paul-]

You are in a very difficult and uncomfortable situation because there is no straight answer and your daughter’s drug addiction is at an advanced stage.

The continuous begging for money is an easy option for she knows how worried you are for her welfare.

The drugs are not only damaging your daughter’s body but her mind as well. Yet she is sharp enough to understand your fear of her getting money either elsewhere or by other means.

The pestering is a form of emotional blackmail and it’s a certainty the drug misuse will not stop ‘tomorrow’.

Your daughter understands that you are not going to be fooled by the ‘just one more day’ routine.

Perhaps deep underneath her pain, your daughter is trying to convince herself that this will be for just one more day. “For today only….For I’ll give up tomorrow….”

It must be soul destroying to have to go through the heartbreak of following your daughter’s journey of drug addiction.

What can you do? There are a few options to consider.

Giving your daughter the money to buy drugs is an option that could be considered quite understandable. Fair enough. It’s easy for anyone to say….”Don’t give her the money…..”

However. By giving her the money yourself, there’s some consolement/security in knowing where the money has come from.

The other option is to refuse her the money. Why not? It’s not fair that you should provide precious financial resources for her drug money.

Your daughter will not give up her drug habit tomorrow whilst you provide the financial source.

The addiction will progress due to being a reliable source of cash for any drug supplier.

Refuse your daughter the money. How will she get it?…..It’s a dilemma.

Due to her advanced stage of addiction, it’s only fair to assume that she could turn to an array of methods in order to acquire the much needed funds.

Yet there may be just a glimmer of hope in all of this. Your daughter is threatening to sell her belongings.

This may be an indication of hesitance on her behalf which means that she could be seriously wanting to come out of this addiction.

Maybe underneath she really wants to stop taking the drugs.

After all this time and having the knowledge of what is happening to her, your daughter may appreciate what damage this is doing to her.

The problem. She is the only one who can really make this decision.

What can you do? The helplines are a good source of advice/information and will assure a listening ear. It’s good to keep researching the valuable help available and see what they can offer.

However. It’s about your daughter wanting to receive help.

An option could be to be honest with your daughter and tell her that you don’t want to give her any money for the drugs and seriously want to help her.

The drugs are damaging her. Tell her directly that she seriously needs help.

An honest discussion, following on by offering to help her get into some form of therapy/rehab clinic.

It may be an option worth considering. That could be to explore the issues surrounding your daughters anxiety.

Rather than just focusing on her to get help for the drug misuse, why not suggest counselling for her anxiety. This could then lead on to her exploring some further, deeper reasons for the origination of the drug misuse.

It could also be considered a less direct or ‘softer’ starting point in encouraging her to seek help.

This must be a terrible situation for you to be in. Having to witness your daughter go through all of this.

Sadly…..You are having to suffer as well.

There’s no easy way around this. All you can do is be there for your daughter and encourage her to seek help.

Keep doing the research, contacting the helplines. Check out your local health clinic or social services…..

Whatever you do on her behalf. This will be your daughter’s decision. Especially if she is considered mentally capable.

Going by what you have written, she is an adult

Back to the dilemma of giving your daughter the money. Consider your own financial position first.

If you daughter seriously wants to break this cycle of drug misuse, she needs to seriously ask herself if this is the life she really desires.

Asking her mother for drug money just to get through another day. Is that what she really wants?

Your daughter may consider it very mean if you say no.

What will happen when you get to a financial stage where you cannot give her money? Or….You are not there to give her the money?

This is now your daughter’s decision.

[Author]

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