[verityirene]

Hi all, I really don’t know where to start or what I’m hoping for here, just in desperate need of some advice or support to know I’m not alone or something (please!)

I’ve been with my boyfriend now for just over 2 years, the first 6 months he was amazing, I couldn’t fault him in any way! And then something just switched in him… he started taking cocaine one day a week..then two days…then 3.. and it soon became an every day habit for him. It didn’t have much affect on him to begin with, he would still go to work, out with his mates to do what he wanted and then home to act kind of “normal”.. I’ve always begged him to give up as I lost my younger brother to drugs a couple of years back and I felt like he was stamping on his memory in a way, I was petrified of losing him the same way – I still am!!

Another 6 months passed, he got some new friends and I thought he had settled things down a bit – by this time I fell pregnant! But then the worst happened and we lost the baby at 9 weeks and whilst I was at home losing our baby he used this as an opportunity to go heavy with the drugs and start his first 6 month affair. I was unaware of this for a few months, and although we argued a lot more and he would go missing for days on end, I always gave in and took him back in. He then left me on my birthday a month after losing our baby and told me he was “working away” – turns out he took his side piece to a hotel for a week… she was also a user who would drop her kids at any opportunity.

Fast forward another month and I found again what he was doing, he denied it all and became very violent trying to defend himself – this was the first day he ever hit me. We broke up for around 6 weeks but he begged and pleaded with me and convinced me he would change so again, I took him back.

He was okay-ish to begin with, but then his friends group changed again, people that were very heavy cocaine users and he has since just got worse and worse. He accuses me of cheating on a daily basis, he’s kicked me in the face and split my face open which resulted in me having glue and stitches in a 4 hour hospital trip – even when I was sat in a&e he was messaging me abuse calling me a cheat – I never leave the house, ever and I love him too much to ever do that, but he never believes me.

A short period of hun being great again after this, and I finally thought I got my boyfriend back, I fell pregnant again but – I lost again, and he again took his opportunity to use it to sleep with this time – my best friend. Again, denied it and got violent. But by now I hadn’t the energy to fight against him and ever since he has been using heavy, abusing me, calling me a cheat, cheating on me and just being overall vile.

He is now facing prison for being caught with drugs and has been told he can get help to help keep him from prison but he just doesn’t seem bothered. In a way, I can’t help but feel a little relief that he could be going away, not only for a break of this hell but also in hope that he will have no choice but to get help.

I’m sorry for ranting on, I just have no one to talk to.

[jem]

Your story is really sad, I am so sorry that you’ve been through all of this. It sounds like you are isolated and alone with this. The awful violence and drug taking should be the end, but it’s not always that simple when we love people who are not good for us. Please get help with your situation, maybe start with a domestic violence charity who can support you in getting to a safe place. You are worth a lot more than this. God bless you x

[icarus-trust]

Hi,

I’m really sad to read your story – you are having such a difficult time and it’s sad that you feel so alone.

I’m worried that you are being hit . Please can I suggest that if you need to call the National Domestic Violence Helpline, as they will b give you advice on your situation and what to do next. Their number is 0808 2000 247 and it is free to call, open 24 hours a day, and calls are confidential. You could also look at Women’s Aid’s website, they are the national charity working to keep women and children safe and they have a directory of local support services which you can find here – http://www.womensaid.org.uk/azrefuges.asp

I’m glad that you’ve found this forum and hopefully it will make you feel less lonely.

If you would like more help please contact us at Icarus Trust as we are a charity that supports people dealing with addiction in their family. We have Family Friends who are trained and experienced and one of them would talk with you if you get in touch.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

All the best and keep safe.

[rexis]

Hello your story is so sad. You really do need to try and speak with someone who can give you some professional support. Whilst you may not like to think of yourself as someone who is going through domestic abuse. If he is making you feel isolated or hitting you or accusing you of things. He is trying to undermine your sense of self worth and things can only get worse. You need to stay strong and do what is best for your own mental health. Whilst it may be easy to blame his behaviour on the drug use. Someone who is taking away your confidence and your ability to see clearly is not someone who is good for you or someone you should try to stay with. I really hope you get the help and support you need and that you manage to get yourself out of this toxic situation. You will thank yourself for it. It may take some time to recover and see the light but you will be so pleased that you did. You are better than this and a strong person. You must look to your future and the opportunities that will lay ahead for you.

[Author]

Posts