[abandonj]

Hi just want to share my storey

Been married for 20 years. My husband has always drank a lot. The last few years got worse. We moved abroad and during lockdown he left Back for a few months and never returned. Leaving me and our daughter. I went to be with him by then he was already in a bad way. He wanted nothing to do with me which I found strange as he always loved me. After 4 months of constantly chasing him I returned to be with my daughter. We spoke he told me loved me . Then about 6 months later txted me saying he was seeing someone. I confronted him and while I was there they were together. That’s the reason he didn’t want me.

He is now hooked on drugs and alcohol. What kind of women goes out with a married man he lied to her and she still Kept him.

He is a mess and she thinks he loves her.

I’m filing for a divorced. As he told me that he don’t want to hurt me no more. I don’t understand why he picked another women over me and his child . I know nothing about her just that he has nowhere to live and she puts him up. Says a lot I think!

I just need some help understanding why he didn’t choose his family and why we were not good enough. I was always patient understanding and trying to help him with his problems. His daughter refuses to talk to him. And this women is worth that . I am so disappointed and sad my entire life has fallen apart.

[kulstar]

AbandonJ

Sorry to hear about your situation.

You were good enough and have no part in being blamed for the breakdown of your marriage.

Reality is he chose his path. Part of this will be down to the drugs and alcohol. This will have severely numbed his emotions. An addict will always choose the path of least resistance. A normal family life doesn’t align itself well with an addicts way of being.

Now, I can sense the resentment to this other woman. This will be hard to read, I don’t believe she’s got any blame in this. Your husband chose his own path, she was there as the path of least resistance. She’d have allowed and maybe even encouraged this way of behaviour with no recourse back to him so he doesn’t have to take any responsibility.

Now you’re at a crossroads. You either live life with yesterdays baggage forever hanging over you or you look forward to a fresh start with limitless opportunities. Resentment will only have negative consequences and won’t allow you to grow as an individual. If anything you’ll become the shadow of your mere self as these negative emotions eat away at you.

I wish you well

[vivvief]

I agree with Kulstar, you have done nothing wrong, he has chosen someone who will allow his addiction, and addicts will always choose the drug of choice over everything and everyone. I am also at a crossroads with my brother, I have set boundaries to look after myself but I am struggling to overcome the anger I feel having spent fifty years looking after somebody who is now really lost to me. You now have a chance to think about what you want for yourself and your daughter.

[abandonj]

Thank you

It’s really heartbreaking seeing good people destroy their lives like that !

[kulstar]

I guess put it another way, if your daughter was faced with a hubby like yours then what would you advise?

[eddie123]

Hi there, this sounds like a very difficult situation for you and I am sorry. I know of a great charity that supports people like yourselves nationwide. The family support programme is all remote and they help many families a year. Please see link and fill in the referral and someone will endeavour to respond within 24 hours. https://adaptoxford.org.uk/the-icarus-programme/

[Author]

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